Rice Dogs Finish Last

We’ve been having problems with Bae getting into stuff on the kitchen counters when we’re gone. (Where does an 85 pound dog go? Anywhere above about five feet.) That’s why, for instance, the bread is now in an upper cupboard, and the cereal is on top of the cupboard. Our mutt loves wheat products, but he’s allergic to wheat. Kind of like how I love chocolate, but I’m allergic to cholesterol.

Anything on the counter has to be kept in sealed containers unless, of course, it’s something dogs would never eat, like rice. Then, a few days ago, we got home to find a bag of rice that looked like it had been attacked by a werewolf. It’s flavored rice, but still—now that also had to go into a sealed container.

Yesterday we arrived home to find Bae has learned how to open Tupperware.

The results of him eating an entire container of uncooked rice should be punishment enough … but by the time it gets to that, um, end, he’ll probably have no idea why he’s having tummy troubles. I’m much more bothered by the fact that his learning curve seems to be advancing faster than ours. By this time next week he’ll wait until we leave, then walk to the store for donuts.

I wonder if he knows where I keep my credit card?