Chapter length, and why it matters. Or doesn't.

So, while Emily was scanning photos for the new Albion Fire Department book, I finished up the first draft of Still Slightly Off the Mark: The Prequel.

(Keep in mind that, with first drafts, the title is just a suggestion.)

"That sounds a lot like one of your other books."

Of course, there will be changes. For one thing, I'm putting a few pictures into the book. Don't tell Emily, she's up to her arms in pictures for another book, and just might strangle me. That would increase sales, I suppose.

As I was looking over the draft, I also counted chapter lengths. I'm not OCD by any means, much, usually, but I like my chapters to be approximately the same length. There's no particular reason for that; in fact, chapters should be the length they are, along the lines of "start at the beginning, go on to the end, then stop".

But in this rough draft, my longest chapter is nineteen pages ... and my shortest is three.

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

This is a humor book, and I think a humor book chapter should be no longer than, say, the average bathroom break. So I'm thinking of chopping up the longer chapters into short ones, which will probably leave me with around two dozen or so. What do you think? Do you prefer long or short chapters? And does it bother you if they vary greatly in one book?

And how much do you think it annoyed the dog to find himself holding a copy of the original Slightly Off the Mark? I mean, he got his picture on the cover, so who is he to complain?

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/Mark-R-Hunter/e/B0058CL6OO

Car work; or we could fight pollution with a horse and buggy

Our car just hit 100,000 miles--and its fifth birthday, at the same time. I've become a big believer in preventative maintenance, so I brought it in for all that hundred thousand mile stuff, including a change out of the cabin air filter that I didn't realize cars had until I researched it. Hey, we all have allergies--even the dog.

Spark plugs, radiator flush, tire rotation, oil change, fluid checks--We have a lot of driving to do this summer, and I want to take care of the car that's taking care of us. Especially since we can't afford a second one. Some of you might remember that a few years ago our Ford Focus fell victim to a young gentlemen who thought the answer to being sun-blinded in heavy traffic was to cross his finger and hit the gas.

So we bought a Ford Focus, which we love even more. But five years and six digits is middle aged by car standards, so we had to give it a colonoscopy, check its cholesterol level, and start it on some acid reflux medicine.

Turns out we also need new brakes. This is no surprise--so far as I can tell, the brakes have never been replaced on the Escape, which we bought when it was about two years old. Anyone who's ever done a lot of driving on the interstate knows that, no matter how defensively you drive, you're going to have to work those brakes! It's almost as bad as driving local roads at dusk and dawn, when the deer are out.

Also, I recently had to brake for a turkey.

 This is not a complaint, because let's be honest: I've been going through my own 100,000 mile problems in recent years. I've had to get my fluids checked, some of my spinal column needs replaced, and my paint job has been fading. Sometimes the car and I sit around, sipping Metamucil, and complaining about kids these days and their oversized pickup truck tires.

Besides, it's an incentive to push my writing career harder. According to my estimation, to pay for this work I need to sell at least three hundred books, or four thousand short stories, or take a part time job washing cars at the dealership.

Or I could do all the car maintenance work myself ... but I'm not sure our medical insurance would cover that.

Intangible Hearts: Connecting With a Brilliant Author!

Intangible Hearts: Connecting With a Brilliant Author!: Connections. Isn’t that the entire reason for the Internet and all the various, social media sites? Here

The Writing Process: The Influence of John Adams

Coming Attractions is a romantic comedy set in modern Indiana, so naturally there's an appearance by John Adams, second President of the United States.

I don't recall exactly how that happened, but I can guess. I've been fascinated by John Adams ever since I went on a class trip to see the movie musical 1776, in 1972.

Why they didn't release it in 1976, I don't know.

I'm also not sure which came first: Adams, who's closely connected to Boston, Massachussetts … spell that three times fast … or having my book's heroine, Maddie, be a Bostonian herself. Knowing my interest in Adams and his times, I suspect I put Boston in Maddie's background just to have an excuse to drop in quotes by and mentions of Adams.

"What do you think of my new hair style? Jefferson will be so jealous."

It worked out pretty well. John Adams is a hero to Maddie, because of his dedication and his willingness to do the unpopular thing, if it's the right thing. Adams was also our first one-term President, and famously described himself as obnoxious and unpopular. He seldom cared if he hurt the feelings of others, and spoke the truth as he saw it regardless of how it made others feel. By the time we first meet Maddie, an attorney as Adams was, she's starting to question whether she's also becoming obnoxious and unpopular, and whether it might be for less worthy reasons. She feels she's being pushed to do the wrong thing by her boss--who happens to be a descendant of the Adams family. (Not the Addams Family--different story.)

As the story goes on it becomes something of an in-joke that she likes to quote Adams, to the bemusement of our Hoosier hero Logan Chandler. But she's using those quotes to voice her own conscience, and steer her in what she hopes is the right direction. To her John Adams is the voice of not just reason, but determination--and one reason why she begins to question her own direction.

Just to be clear, there's no singing, and no appearance by Thomas Jefferson or Benjamin Franklin. I don't think a musical would translate well into a novel.

Oh, did I mention you can find Coming Attractions, and all our books, here? 
http://markrhunter.com/books.html
I'll bet I did. 

But wouldn't it be better with singing?

Say happy National Public Safety Telecommunicators Week three times fast

I've been taking 911 calls for so long that they were originally 91 calls.

Well, it seems that way, anyway. It turns out National Public Safety Telecommunicators Week predates my full-time employment in the emergency services by ten years, and can we possibly shorten that name down a bit? By the time I finish saying National Public Safety Telecommunicators Week, the week is over. I'm going to call it ... NPSTW. I know somebody who got their Bachelor Degree at NPSTW, although they've since married. Go Bulldogs!

Anyway, I started with the Noble County EMS as a seventeen year old trainee in late 1979, and joined our volunteer fire department in 1980. But it wasn't until December, 1991, that I took an actual paying job in the area of emergency services, as a jail officer with the Noble County Sheriff Department.

Within a few years I got tired of getting sick all the time. Seriously: Those inmates breathed so many germs on me while getting booked in, I thought I was in a sequel to The Andromeda Strain. So I went into dispatch, trading physical ailments for mental ones.

 Unknown to me, way back in 1981 Patricia Anderson, of the Contra Costa County Sheriff's Office in California, came up with this idea to give tribute to, um, NPST, or as I'm going to call them, dispatchers. Yes, I know "dispatchers" doesn't tell the whole story, but my typing fingers are tired.

Oh, who am I kidding? All of me is tired.

Isn't it something? I've been here for almost twenty-eight years, and dispatching for about twenty-five of those. I've been here so long that when I started we had only one computer, to get information such as license plate and driver's license returns, using DOS.

Get your grandparents to explain DOS to you.

My wife points out that taking information was difficult back then, because we had to received 911 calls by smoke signal, while carving words onto stone tablets. I'm fairly sure she was kidding.

I've been here so long I could take full retirement at the end of this year. Full retirement pay! Sadly, I haven't figured out how to make up the difference in income, but I'm hoping my book sales will pick up. The good news is we don't make all that much to begin with, so the loss of income wouldn't be so much of a shock ... but it would be tough learning to sleep through the night.

While I joke about it--mostly to keep from crying--things really were easier back then, when it comes to learning the job. Our computer systems do make it easier to help people these days, but astronauts don't train as much as our rookies do. Spaceship vehicle pursuits are faster, though. The point is, I'm not sure I could make it through training, if I started today.

We had one the one small computer screen when I started. Now I'm looking at seven flat screen monitors, not including the security and weather screens. Our report was written (in pen) on a single piece of paper about half the size of a standard sheet. Today we have a Computer Aided Dispatch (CAD), radio screen, phone screen, mapping screen, recorder screen, 911 texting screen, and a screen to keep track of everyone's duty status. We also have a screen to keep track of screens. Those are just the ones we use regularly.

Me, I'm pretty burned out at this point, and some of our calls can get rough. I have all the symptoms of PTSD; some of them include:

Experiencing a life-threatening event, like when the dispatch pop machine ran out of Mountain Dew;
Flashbacks and nightmares, such as reliving the night we ran out of Mountain Dew;
Avoidance, such as staying away from places that don't have ... well, you know.
Depression or irritability, which I just now realized might be related to consuming too much caffeine;
Chronic pain ... wow, that one hit me like a pulled back muscle.

 You know, looking down that list you have to wonder, as I check off each and every box: avoidance, numbing, flashbacks, being on edge, overeating ... HEY! Who the HECK took my meatball sub out of the break room fridge! I'm HUNGRY!

Where was I? Oh, yeah. You have to wonder:

Why the heck am I still here?

Here's the thing. I've worked in retail; in factories; as a security guard and jail officer; as a radio DJ; I once made two bucks an hour growing worms for fishing lure. And for all the emotional turmoil, all the mental stress, all the physical ailments, all the days when I wanted to scream, and so desperately wanted to NOT go back into work the next shift ...

Dispatching is still the best full time job I've ever had.

Of course, I'm not a full time writer, yet. And for that I'd only have to deal with one computer screen.

Type Your Fingers to the Bone and What Do You Get? 911 Fingers.

This is Public Safety Telecommunicator Week, and it turns out I'm a PST! And here you thought PST was one of those diseases they advertise pills for on late night TV. So, while the job has its stresses (and how), we showed up at work Monday night to find some of our favorite signs of appreciation:

My wife gave me permission to eat two.

I had the Railroader. It's working up a head of steam as we speak.

My full time job is as a 911 dispatcher, which is, shall we say, stressful. Mentally, emotionally, and even physically stressful, but at least we don't have to work outside. Personally, by the time I'm finished with my four day rotation I'm bent like a pretzel and popping pain pills the way I'd like to be popping M&Ms.

We work a four day on, two day off rotation in my emergency communications center, which means every six weeks we get a weekend off. That's nice, but I also work nights, so whenever my days off are--I usually just want to sleep through them.

Still, days off are nice. There was one month late last year when I didn't get any.

Okay, that's a slight exaggeration. We introduced a new computer aided dispatch system, otherwise known as a CAD, a system that--well, you know--aids us in dispatching. And every dispatcher had to take a three day course in learning the system, a class sandwiched between the online course we had to take before and the practice we had to do after. But you can't just shut down an emergency communications department--well, you can, but it's not a swell idea. So instead, the class was divided up, with the dispatchers who weren't taking it at the time covering for the dispatchers who were.

When you combine that with the fact that two new dispatchers were still training, you get overtime.

 So last September I worked 21 out of 22 days in a row. Which is just three weeks, so I did get days off that month. Not to mention I volunteered for a lot of that time, because our bosses don't generally force us to work on our days off. (Nights off, for me.) We do have to work over or come in early from time to time, as with this week--somebody has to do it. Others worked for me during my class, after all.

Twelve hour shifts get ... tiring. I'm not a fan. But I'm not making minimum wage for mucking hog barns, so what the heck.

But here's the thing. I got around 56 hours of overtime in two weeks, give or take--I'm not really clear on how it added up that day when I got off work at 5 and went back in at 11. I mentioned all this to an online group of dispatchers, and got their side of it.

44 hours of overtime, in one pay period.

73.5 total hours--in one week.

53 hours of OT in a pay period. 60. 88. 49. 71. 63. In one pay period. A pay period is usually two weeks. One dispatcher worked 134.75 hours during Hurricane Florence.

911 dispatch centers are chronically understaffed. The hours are crazy, the training is hard, and the stress can be incredible; this leads to people leaving, which leaves those left behind working long hours and training new people, which leads to them burning out and leaving ... and on and on. I'm of the opinion that anyone who lasts long enough to retire, like my boss and (in a year) me, are certifiable.

But where I work the OT isn't nearly as bad as many other communications centers. This brings me to something I've always said, something we should all keep in mind. We all have problems, and they're legitimate problems. We all have complaints. I had a lower back injury three months ago that just does not want to heal up--apparently it has to do with this concept of not being as young as I used to be. You think I don't complain about that?

Just the same, I think there's one concept worth considering, something that might make us feel a bit better when we're tempted to complain:

It could be worse.

After all, I could be the one having to call 911.

New Review of The No-Campfire Girls

There's a new review of The No-Campfire Girls up on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/review/R39H3834BJOTK7/?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00K3OS35C

I like it, because at no point do they use the term "talentless hack".

Half the proceeds from sales of that book still go toward supporting the Missouri Girl Scout Camp Latonka, and it's only ninety-nine cents for the e-book version, so get your copy right now!

Or, yeah, you could wait until lunchtime, if you're hiding this from the boss. Just don't forget.

Remember, every time you buy a copy, a Girl Scout gets her Fiction Reading Patch. And if they don't make one of those, they should.

https://www.amazon.com/No-Campfire-Girls-Mark-Hunter-ebook/dp/B00K3OS35C

Mixing Blog Winners In a Coffee Cup

Thanks to everyone who read, and especially commented on, my post on the 50 Authors From 50 States blog! As for the giveaway, I didn't have a hat, so I made each commenter a slip of paper and mixed them up in ... an extra large coffee cup.

A coworker, who was very happy there was no actual coffee in the cup, then pulled out the name of William Kendall, who wins a free book! And no, that's not as cool as a free car, but I don't sell cars.

As for those who read the blog, Annette Snyder sent me a list that shows 176 visitors from the USA. But here's a surprise: The next highest number of visitors were from Ireland! No, I don't know why. After that came France and Germany, then "Unknown Region", which I think is one of the former Soviet republics. On a related note, there were also visitors from Russia, as well as the Ukraine, United Kingdom, and--as might be expected--Canada.



Otherwise there's not much to report. Emily is busy scanning and adjusting photos for our Albion Fire Department photo book project, while I've been working on the rough draft of a humor collection, under the working title of Still Slightly Off the Mark. It will be based on humor columns I wrote for the newspaper between 2000 and 2002, and rereading them for revision has made me realize just how much has changed since then.

Spring is springing--more or less--and we got a chance last week to go to the drive-in theater that was the inspiration for Coming Attractions. Shazam, was it fun!

On a related note, Emily is back with her horses at the Pokagon State Park Saddle Barn, although until Memorial Day they're only open on weekends.

All signs of spring ... yay! Hope you all get a chance to get outside and enjoy it, when weather permits. And, for those of you in the upper Midwest and Plains States ... I'm so sorry.

Movie review: Shazam!

Which came first? The DC Captain Marvel, or the Marvel Captain Marvel?

The answer is neither, kinda. Here's the full scoop:

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/captain-marvel-shazam-share-a-strange-past-1199825

Here's a quick recap: Captain Marvel came along in 1939, one of the very first superheroes and, for a time, one of the most popular. Put out by Fawcett Comics, the title outsold Superman and led to a whole family of Marvels who were called, collectively ... ahem ... the Marvel Family.

 But National Comics Publications decided Cap (yeah, some called him that) was a rip-off of their creation, Superman, and the resulting lawsuit dragged on for twelve years. (Captain Marvel didn't shoot lightning bolts at the time, and his powers really were similar to Kal-El's. Their alter-egos were both news people, and their big adversaries were both bald evil scientists.)











By the early 50s superheroes were losing popularity, so Fawcett caved and just buried their hero forever. Or at least until 1973, when the Big Red Cheese (as his arch enemy called Captain Marvel) was bought by DC--formally National Comics. But by then Marvel had their own Captain Marvel--in fact, there have been at least six variations of that name, by at least four different publishers, if you include Captain Marvel, Junior.

So DC started calling their guy Shazam, at least on the cover, which meant he could never actually identify himself. "Hi, I'm Sh--um, let me write it down for you."

When I last read comics regularly, Captain--um, Shazam was a member of the temporarily more humorous Justice League, which was also my favorite incarnation and darn, why couldn't they have kept that humor in the DC movies? For Shazam! the movie they went back to that, getting humor from the fact that the red-clad superhero remains, underneath it all, a fourteen year old kid.

Whew. Lotta history going on.










Although I didn't realize it, Shazam! sticks closely to newer details introduced when DC made major changes in its lineup. The story still features Billy Batson (Asher Angel), an orphan who keeps running away from group homes in search of his mom. One day a Philadelphia subway takes him to a way unexpected stop: the lair of an ancient wizard (Eijmon Hounsou, who ironically was also in Captain Marvel) who's been unsuccessfully searching for a pure heart to take his power. Billy ... will do.

Unfortunately, one of the wizard's previous rejections, Dr. Sivana (Mark Strong) successfully finds the lair, and gives in to temptation there (a demon orb, which really should have been in a safe). Now he also has superpowers, along with a cadre based on the Seven Deadly Sins, and is seeking to take Billy's new power for himself.

The joy of the film is in seeing the full grown Shazam (Zachary Levi) learn and deal with his powers, while still acting like a boy in his early teens. Joined by another orphan, Freddy (Jack Dylan Grazer), they experiment, have fun, and go just a bit overboard, until Shazam is brought back down to earth by his first honest to goodness villain, played straight and scarily by Strong.

Doctor Sivana, now and not quite so now.

As is my habit, I won't go much into the rest of the plot, but suffice it to say there's plenty of action and fun. However, I'd hesitate to let little kids go; the Seven Deadly Sin monsters are pretty darned scary, and there's a (funny) subplot involving Santa Claus that might not go over well with those who still believe.

It's a can't-miss cast, some of whom I can't describe because--spoilers. Special credit should go toward Billy's new group home family, including a group of awesome kids (and we all know kids in movies can sometimes be the opposite of awesome). My wife and I were especially happy to see a couple of favorite actors from favorite TV shows, although I won't describe who just in case others might get the same fun surprise we did.

Levi does an amazing job of bringing out the fourteen year old in the adult body, and he plays well with the ultra-serious Strong. There are plentiful shout-outs to the comics, but for the most part they don't interfere with the enjoyment for those who weren't already fans.

My Rating:

Entertainment Value: 4 out of 4 M&Ms. I'm not sure you can compare comic book movies these days, any more than you could compare, say, a romantic comedy to a romantic drama. I think I enjoyed this more than the other Captain Marvel, but wouldn't say it's better overall. Either way, I had a blast.

Oscar Potential: 1 out of 4 M&Ms. It's a great movie for what it is, but doesn't try to take itself seriously--which is the kiss of death as far as Hollywood recognition is concerned.

50 Authors from 50 States: Elaine L. Orr’s Iowa Beyond the Corn Fields

50 Authors from 50 States: Elaine L. Orr’s Iowa Beyond the Corn Fields: Iowa brings to mind corn fields, a superb state fair, first-in-the nation caucuses, and the Iowa Summer Writing Festival in Iowa City, whic...

book review: Rendezvous With Rama

Book Review

Rendezvous With Rama

by Arthur C. Clarke

Many years ago I had a bedtime ritual: Prop myself up on some pillows and read a chapter or two of a book, while eating a Nutty Bar. Don't judge me, Nutty Bars are yummy. One particular evening I started a ten year old novel by Arthur C. Clarke, for a little reading time before sleep.

Only I didn't sleep much that night. I finished the book in the wee hours of the next morning.

Still, sometimes things aren't as good as you remembered, so thirty years later I once again picked up Rendezvous With Rama, this time with some trepidation. Would it hold up to my memories?

It did. Although this time it took me a few days to read, what with adult responsibilities and all.

Rendezvous With Rama begins when astronomers discover an asteroid that turns out to be from outside the solar system; it's roughly cylindrical, spinning, and moving at a pretty good clip as it prepares to pass closer to our Sun than the orbit of Mercury. You'd be forgiving for having a sense of deja vus at this point, since in 2017 astronomers, for the first time, discovered an asteroid coming in from outside our solar system ... roughly cylindrical, spinning erratically, and passing closer to our Sun than the orbit of Mercury:

https://www.theverge.com/2017/12/18/16788354/oumuamua-interstellar-asteroid-outer-layer-ice-interior-comet

Arthur C. Clarke was always a bit ahead of the game.

This is the edition I have now--a book club version with a nifty pullout illustration.

Unlike the real version, the book's asteroid turns out to be anything but: It's an artificial construction thirty miles long, moving so quickly that only one spaceship is in a position to intercept it. Having been on the move for possibly hundreds of thousands of years, the massive ship is dead and silent, but there still might be secrets to uncover inside.

When the crew of the survey vessel Endeavour manages to get inside the newly named Rama, they find a dark, cold, and dead world. But they also find a breathable atmosphere, a frozen sea, and incredible architecture held to the inside surface by the spinning craft's centrifugal force.

Then the lights come on ... and it turns out Rama isn't quite as dead as anyone imagined.

https://www.amazon.com/Rendezvous-Rama-Arthur-Clarke-Collection-ebook/dp/B01IA89F9U

Did I mention the nifty pullout illustration?

 Here's the thing about Rendezvous With Rama: If a new writer submitted that novel to a publisher today, it would probably be rejected. It has little conflict between the characters, who tend to be rather two dimensional. It flows more like a series of wonders than a plot, in a way that reminds me of Jules Verne's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. There aren't really any bad guys here, except in one case in which a certain group of peoples' motives were, to me, a little shaky. Several scenes are set in a meeting where the members spend most of their time just speculating on what's going on.

So why is it still a page turner? Nobody could put the science in science fiction like Clarke. He manages to describe complicated landscapes and concepts in a way that's interesting, but still keeps the story cooking along at a good pace. He's one of those writers who can make exposition fascinating.

That's not to say there's not plenty of action too, as the human crew makes its way into the unknown, and encounters things that may, or may not, be out to get rid of intruders. The explorers encounter challenges and surprises galore, and Clarke does his usual great job of making an incredible thing both credible and scientifically accurate. It's as much a page turner today as it was the first time I read it, and holds up perfectly. It would make a great movie in the right hands (and a really stinky one in the wrong hands).

Also, it has one of the great twist closing lines in all of literature.

Still time to comment and get a copy of Coming Attractions

You have a few more days to comment on my post at Annette Snyder's blog, 50 Authors From 50 States, and get a chance to win a free copy of Coming Attractions:

https://annettesnyder.blogspot.com/


Okay, so I already have my own copy of Coming Attractions ... but I had to pay for it. Just leave a comment over there (I'd rather you read the article first), and you could get one for free.

And if you do win it please leave a review: Whenever an author gets a review he has good dreams--nothing like the one I had last night, with the flooded basement and the giant spiders. Ick.