Memorial Day: It Is the Veteran

 

I never did track down who wrote this, but it's as true now as ever:

 

It is the veteran, not the preacher, who has given you freedom of religion.

 

It is the veteran, not the reporter, who has given you freedom of the press.

 

It is the veteran, not the poet, who has given you freedom of speech.

 

It is the veteran, not the protester, who has given you freedom to assemble.

 

It is the veteran, not the lawyer, who has given you the right to a fair trial.

 

It is the veteran, not the politician, who has given you the right to vote.

 

It is the veteran, who salutes the Flag, who serves under the Flag, whose coffin is draped by the Flag.

 

 

 

 

 

book review: Meddling Kids, by Edgar Cantero

 A nerd, a bookworm, a jock, and a tomboy get together to solve a mystery in a haunted house, and discover it's just a guy in a costume. He'd have gotten away with it too, except for those kids--and their dog.

No--not those kids.

But it's pretty clear where Edgar Cantero got his inspiration when he wrote Meddling Kids, a darkly comic look at what happens when a Scooby-Doo like group of teens finally encounter a mystery in which there's just a little bit more going on than a get-rich scheme.

 It's 1977, and the Blyton Summer Detective Club--a group of kids even younger than the Scooby Gang--has gotten a reputation for solving small mysteries around the town of Blyton Hills. But during their last case something happened--something only half remembered. Yes, the guy in the costume got put away, but when he's released from prison in 1990 and tomboy Andy tracks him down, he confirms what she suspected: There was something way bigger than a fake amphibian monster sneaking around the old mansion, and the ex-con wouldn't go back to that town for love or money.

It was the gang's last case, and they also left town, haunted by what they saw. Andy is now wanted in two states; braniac Kerri the bookworm is a booze-soaked bartender living with the descendant of their dog; Nate the horror nerd keeps checking himself into mental hospitals, but at least he stays in touch with jock Peter ... although that's problematical, because Peter committed suicide years before.

Andy brings the team back together, convinced they have to face whatever happened that last night in the old mansion. What they find is right out of H.P. Lovecraft; it's not in a costume, and it threatens a whole lot more than just their sanity.

The meddling kids and their adult sidekicks.

 

Edgar Cantero has a unique writing style, something I'm not usually a fan of. He throws in long run-on sentences, invented words, and sometimes a sparse, screenplay style of scene writing that includes only the dialogue. It's original, often fun, and something that would get thrown directly in the trash if it came across the average book editor's submission pile, but it works.

As Andy gets the team back together and tackles the horror their hometown has become, we get a story of humor and terror that's also filled with poignancy, which is a real word I just looked up. All together Meddling Kids is a rich journey that combines nostalgia with a good measure of scares, and gives us a good idea of how things might have progressed with the Scooby gang in real life.

And it puts me squarely on Edgar Cantero's fan list ... if not before, than definitely after the last scene with the dog.

The Albion Fire Department Has Bigger Fish to Fry

The fish fry is on!

I mean, if you happen to be close enough to come to Albion for a fish fry. If you're a fan from France or, say,  a friend from Sudan, it might be a bit long to travel for one meal.

The Albion Fire Department's annual fish fry--which happens annually--is on for the Wednesday of the Chain O' Lakes Festival, June 9th, from 4:30-7 p.m. This year will again be carry out only, with a drive-through set up, but the route will be different.

This year cars can enter off East Park Drive, going by the Albion Municipal building to where a ramp leads down into the fire station parking lot. (This route is ordinarily closed to the general public.) Occupants can pick up their order, then leave through the regular fire station entrance onto Fire Station Drive. (It's traditional, when a town has a Fire Station Drive, to build the fire station there.)

Adult Meals will be $11, and Kid's meals $7. Fish and/or Tenderloin will be on the menu along with applesauce, chips, and tarter sauce.

With the pandemic continuing, this will provide a level of protection over the inside dining of the past and make it easier on our manpower needs, which can be stretched when calls come in during Festival week.

We hope to see everyone there! We're at 210 Fire Station Drive, on the east end of town.

 

 

Don't forget that our book Smoky Days and Sleepless Nights, a history of the AFD, is also a fund raiser for the department. There should be copies at the station, and you can also order it through one of the links below--it's $9.95 for a print copy, and $1.99 as an e-book. Fully illustrated! Well, some illustrated.

 

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

Depression Can Be Depressing

 Hi, who wants to talk about something serious?

Fine, you people move on--but just so you know, the rest of us will be having chocolate.

I don't often get serious here, because the world's serious enough--and there are plenty of others out there talking seriously in my stead. I like to get serious with humor, which may offend some people ... but that's okay, because I don't want to hang around people who don't appreciate the principle of "lighten up". Besides, when I extract humor from a situation, it usually cheers up at least me, and sometimes others with me.

Usually.

Now, I've never hidden the fact that during winter I take a little "happy pill" (that's not what the doctor calls it) to get through my Seasonal Affective Disorder. SAD is what normal people get when the days get short and the nights get cold. Abnormal people have a mental condition that allows them to be okay with winter, something experts are still puzzling out.

I wean myself off my happy pill, otherwise known as Sertraline, around early spring, as I did this spring. It has some un-fun side effects, while for some reason I never get the one good side effect: loss of appetite.

You'll remember that this year, 2021, is the year everyone going through 2020 was hoping and praying for.

Well, the joke's on you.

So far this year my brother died--and really, I can just stop right there, can't I? My wife says I still haven't dealt with it, and I'd appreciate if none of you told her she's absolutely right.

 The rest is all minor irritation. Still, minor irritations, such as getting sick after over a year of avoiding it, and having that sickness move into a massive sinus infection that I just started my third course of antibiotics to fight, can add up.

Where were we? Oh, yeah. Well, as of this writing Spring never showed up for more than a day. Emily fixed the usual leaky plumbing problems and replaced burned-out kitchen appliances, times two--each. One of Emily's favorite horses at her work had to be put down, and she had to be there for it. My job has been interesting, and not in a good way. And my occasional chronic back pain seems to have become un-occasional, to such an extent that the pain kept me from making any calls with my volunteer fire department this year. My book sales, like those of most authors, have tanked.

And my brother died. With the weather allegedly soon to be better and the pandemic slightly better (oh, and add pandemic to the list), a memorial gathering for my brother Jeff is coming up. Here's the info on that, for those who knew him:

https://www.facebook.com/events/303626244615814

Because info is good, and so is remembering. However, I never considered that three months after he died, just talking about a get-together would stir it all up again.

So ... depression and anxiety became a thing.

I finally accepted it after I put aside my writing business efforts, to start work on a new novel. Promotion, selling, and submitting are all part of being a working writer. But when I'm down, the only thing that really perks me up is the writing, itself.

But it didn't work this time. And I'm 20,000 words in.

So, as of yesterday, I went back on the happy pill. I also started using a multi-spectrum light again, because Mother Nature isn't cooperating, and I'm otherwise dealing as best I can. (No, I'm not suicidal. Homicidal? Well, I did feel an urge recently to run down a woman walking in the middle of the street when there was a sidewalk RIGHT THERE ... but I saw she was walking a dog, and I can't hurt a dog.)

Dogs--the best depression medicine.

 

Now, other than to apologize for being so antisocial and overall grouchy this year, writing this all down is mostly a public service announcement:

People get depressed. It's a real thing. It's usually not their fault, and there's help available to work through it. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's nothing to shun people over. I had high blood pressure and high cholesterol, and I fought that with meds and lifestyle changes. I have chronic back pain, and I treat it with cold, heat, and a wonderful but sadistic chiropractor. I have depression, and I treat it with medication, light therapy, the dog, comedy shows, writing, sleep, and chocolate.

That's what I call a well-rounded treatment regimen.

So to sum it all up: If you have a problem, get help. If you have a friend or family member who seems fine, remember: Some of the funniest and seemingly most lighthearted people might be struggling with darkness underneath.

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

Famous, Infamous, or In Prison: Making It as a Humor Writer

 More Slightly Off the Mark: Why I Hate Cats, and Other Lies, was featured May 7 (today as I write this) on Bargain Booksy. It's a newsletter where you can find bargain books, see? (Oh, now I get it.) Their website is here:

https://www.bargainbooksy.com

You may not get their newsletter, but the price is still a buck ninety-nine for the e-book, and only $7.50 for the print version. That's less than most fast food meals--and without the cholesterol.

Just to clarify, if you read the subtitle carefully you'll realize it states that I do NOT hate cats. Got it? I don't want another repeat of that time when PETA burned a scratching post on my front yard.

See? We're having a great time.

Many people say humor doesn't sell, but I disagree. All you really need to sell a humor book is an author who's famous, infamous, or in prison. I'm working on it.

Anyway, More Slightly Off the Mark is the sequel to Slightly Off the Mark, and a modern day examination of humor columns I originally wrote twenty years ago. It is, in my considerable opinion, one of the two best books of humor columns ever written in my house ... I'll give you that I haven't looked into who owned the place since the Powells lived here in the fifties. I suppose it's theoretically possible that Fred Markey, who carved his name on my garage wall in 1879, also published a book of humor columns. Maybe I shouldn't be so full of myself.

 In any case, the key to sounding wildly successful is to be specific. Claiming to be the best humor writer in Indiana would be a big mistake. Claiming to be the best one in Albion is questionable, although I've heard that idea does make people laugh.

I'm not even the only writer in my own house.

 

More Slightly Off the Mark: Why I Hate Cats, and Other Lies is just $1.99 on Kindle—free on Kindle Unlimited—and is also available in print for $7.50. Find it on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/More-Slightly-off-Mark-Other/dp/1709741287

Or on the author's website:

http://www.markrhunter.com/

Remember to support authors—because most have pets to feed, even if they're not cats.

"Whoa, wait--what about paying for pet food?"

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

I'm In a Horticultural Wasteland

 

 I have a philosophical question.

Okay, not a heavily philosophical question. On some days, I can't even pronounce philosophical. Sometimes I can't get past "phil". Besides, it's actually more of a horticultural question.

Two lilac bushes have grown behind our house since I bought the property, some thirty years ago--and they weren't young then. I love the scent of lilacs, and seeing them bloom is another sign that winter is over.

You know, I may have a photo of how they used to look. Hold on ...

You have to look behind me to see the ... okay, I couldn't find an old photo on my computer, and I'm too lazy to go looking. Anyway, you can see they were pretty healthy bushes, verging on trees. But now? Now they're older, and I've been pruning off dead branches for years. Despite that, I didn't notice until a couple of years ago that different bushes and trees were growing up among them, no doubt planted by various birds and small animals in the course of them, um, relieving themselves. Last fall I finally went through and (I thought) trimmed out everything that wasn't lilac, leaving a handful of sickly leftovers that I hoped would come back strong.

This spring something did indeed come back strong, but it wasn't the lilacs. I'd completely missed two trees that were growing up among the lilac bushes. I took this photo of them in poor light, then tried to correct the photos in an equally poor way, but this gives you an idea of what they were like when they blossomed:

The darker foliage you see below them are the original lilac bushes, which bloomed at about the same time. They're greatly reduced but still going, as is the small white lilac bush we planted further to the right a few years ago.

But one of them has to go.

So here's my question to you, the plant experts/amateur/armchair growy-persons. Which ones should go? I'd rather have the lilacs, honestly, but those other trees are bigger at this point (and too big to transplant). Should I give up on the lilacs? Or try to transplant some of them? Heck, for all I know those new trees are invasive, or poisonous, or dropped here by Martians to take over Earth plants. Any opinions?

 Don't be afraid to upset me: My bark is worse than my bite. (Get it? Never mind.)

 

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

Camping time is coming, and you'll need something to read

 The No-Campfire Girls is featured today on The Fussy Librarian newsletter, which is a great way to see free and bargain books. Check out their website:

https://www.thefussylibrarian.com/

 

But The No-Campfire Girls is always 99 cents as an e-book and just five bucks in paperback, which is pretty darned good. There's a nice article about the book and how it came to be written (complete with a picture of our dog!) here:

https://www.kpcnews.com/news/latest/newssun/article_3353901e-ff14-5d01-a815-e78667f481be.html

 Good publicity is ... well, good. As usual the book and all our books can be found on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00K3OS35C

Or on our website:

http://www.markrhunter.com/books.html

 After all, no one ever got hurt by reading a book. Um, except maybe The Anarchist Cookbook.

 

Get the whole set!

 

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

The Highlights of the Junk Mail Folder. Or Is That Lowlights?

Somebody must have signed me up for something, because I've been getting a lot more junk e-mails lately. The disadvantage: I have to go through and make sure there aren't any legitimate communications among the junk.

The advantage: I can make fun of them.

Sometimes it can be a little difficult to tell the difference between the real stuff and the scams. For instance, in the last batch I got a notification from Google Drive, which informed me a file had been successfully shared.

Yay! But wait ... I've never shared Google Drive files.

Pay no attention to the scam behind the e-mail.

That could be a clue. And sure enough, the return e-mail address has absolutely nothing to do with Google.

Another example is the survey I got from Netflix, which wants me to fill it out and enter a drawing. Yay!

But I don't subscribe the Netflix, and never have.

Of the 27 e-mails in the latest haul, exactly one was legitimate. And that one was from AARP, wanting to remind me I'm now old enough to get e-mails from AARP. I don't want the reminder.

Some of the e-mails look pretty boring at first glance. They're from Amy P., Julie L.,. Natalie, Kathleen, Stacy, Betsy, Kristina, and of course my favorite, Eleanor Gibbs. I just realized ... I should keep track of the ones that could make good character names for future novels. Eleanor Gibbs, Beverly Bailey, not to mention Vanda. How many Vandas do you know?

And they're all women. Where were all these women when I was single?

Of course, chances are they're a 55 year old Russian male who hasn't exercised since 1997, but hope springs eternal.

Hi, I'm Uri ... I mean, Amy. How about a chat?

They get more interesting when you see what the "women" have typed into the subject field of their e-mails.

"No questions or stories, just make me obey."

Yes, dear.

"I have crzy wishes."

I wish you could spell.

"I'm agile but fraagile so be nice ;0"

Brittle bone disease is a terrible thing for gymnasts.

"It was the best night ever!"

Sadly, I wasn't there.

"Video with me and you"

So, you were the one who photobombed me at Indiana Beach.

"Are you excited?"

Do you have chocolate?

"Should I send one more photo?"

Well, you haven't sent the first one yet, so ... (That one was from "Iowa". The entire state apparently thinks it sent me a photo.)

"Can I be useful for you? Pleeease!"

Okay, since you're so eager. We'll start in the bedroom ... then you can clean the kitchen.

"Are you excited?"

What, still? Now that someone else is cleaning the kitchen, yes.

"No panties video"

Sounds great, until you remember it was typed by a middle aged Russian couch potato.

"I am so disobedient at this video..."

That's okay, I can point you to the obedience school my dog went at.

Meanwhile, I also got e-mails from Flawless, PerfectLips, ColorfulDes'lres, Hedon1stlc, and, yes, CornLover. That last one, at least, was original. Cream or whole kernel?

By the way, Eleanor Gibbs sent me an e-mail with the headline, "I love to play with fire". This is not something firefighters generally want to hear.

Finally, the unoriginal ColorfulDes'lres also asked: "Are you excited?"

Well, I just wasted ten minutes that could have been used for writing fiction. Or looking at cute puppy videos. So no ... no, I'm not. But it's starting to remind me of the other question I've been hearing a lot lately: "Have you tested positive for COVID?"

I'm excited to say no.

Honey, look at this! A Nigerian Price wants to party with us.

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"