Slightly Off the Mark: More Home Maintenance Fails

We all have those weeks, and mine tend to come in autumn.

It started with cleaning the gutters, as one does every three or four years, but should do annually. If you don't, it tends to turn into a black goo that squirrels bury their nuts in.

Yes, a peanut was in my gutter, and related, no doubt, to the peanut plant I found growing in a planter directly below. I feel kinda sorry for the squirrel.

That reminds me, I need to get my ladder back to the actual owner. It belongs on the side of a 1965 American Fire Apparatus fire engine, and I borrowed it years ago for ... why did I borrow it? I reminded the actual owner a couple of times, but I don't have the means to actually get it to his house right now. Also, it's way sturdier than my other ladder. You know who you are, Kevin Libben.

While cleaning the gutters I discovered one of my attic side vents needs replaced. Unfortunately, my tallest ladder won't reach it, and is damaged anyway, thus the loaner.

Oh! The other ladder! Now I remember: I was demolishing my chimney (on purpose) and first loosened a big concrete chimney cap thingy, which I tried to throw it onto a pile of branches and leaves. It was heavier than I though, and instead made a beeline to the bottom rung of my 20 foot extension ladder.

Using a ladder bent sideways at the bottom would be absolute insanity, so after five or six times I decided to only use the ten foot fly section.

Aaaaannnnnddddd here's the chimney.

The best way to clean the gutter along my back porch is to use the (stolen fire truck) ladder to climb onto the flat roof above the kitchen. From there, on my hands and knees, I can reach down to scoop the gutter clean. It's all fine as long as I don't fall forward.

But while up there, I looked around.

That's when I found the hole in the roof.

If you can see this photo, you probably still can't tell what it is. For some reason there's a little parapet along one side of the flat roof area, which causes a corner that the roofer had to deal with. Well, the seal around the corner worked loose, and if there's one thing I've learned about these problems, it's that they don't go away.

Out of warranty? Of course. The rubber roof lasted longer than what the internet tells me is its average life. It had to be dealt with, because a crack I can fix, while the results of delaying could lead to tearing down your kitchen ceiling and taking a second mortgage on your house. I've heard.

Usually when I pull down a ceiling, the house is on fire. At home I uncovered where the house had been on fire, apparently sometime in the 60s.

No doubt you're wondering what Emily was doing during all this. Well, years ago some idiot replaced the drain in the bathroom sink with some Rube Goldberg contraption that led to the sink constantly getting clogged, and she'd had it.

(Rube Goldberg was a cartoonist who came up with wildly complicated ways to do very simple things. That's what the past idiot did while trying to fit drain pipes between the sink and the radiator beneath it.)

Me. The idiot was me.

On an "idiot" related note, I always take scissors with me when I use a caulk gun, to--of course--cut off the spout end of the caulk, um, can. Container. Cartridge. While on the roof I glanced down at my very old caulk gun, and noticed this, on the side of the caulk gun:

Go ahead and laugh, but I got the last laugh: the spout cutter didn't work. Scissors for the win.

We did finish the jobs, but took breaks for ibuprofen and that green stuff the chiropractor sent us. Once I face the attic vent and replace the burned up snowblower, we'll be done.

Or hospitalized.

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