Slightly Off the Mark

More Notes From the Spammers

Writers get a lot of emails from "legitimate" publishers, editors, marketers, and literary agents. Sometimes they're obvious spam, and sometimes an aspiring author has to pinch themselves to keep from answering them. One way to tell is if they go out of their way to praise your book, or mostly just repeat back your own blurb.

But some are even easier to tell:

Hi Mark,

I want to tell you what Storm Chaser does that most romantic comedy gets wrong and you get exactly right.

Channing Silvers is trying to rebuild his life after everything fell apart, and Stormy Piper does not want to be rebuilt at all. The way you set those two characters against each other in a small town with a tornado in the background, and let the comedy and the heart work together without one undercutting the other, is genuinely hard to do. You have been doing it across four romantic comedies, two humor collections, a YA adventure, and three history books co-written with Emily. Eleven published books with a weekly humor column that ran for over twenty years in Indiana newspapers. That is a career, not a hobby. And the fact that you are also a 911 dispatcher and a volunteer firefighter who co-wrote the history of your hometown's fire department tells me the warmth in your fiction comes from somewhere completely real.

Most of this stuff is true enough, and easily obtainable by reading author and book blurbs--or having an AI read them. The rest is very complimentary! But there's one little problem:

I've never written characters named Channing Silvers and Stormy Piper. My main characters in Storm Chaser are Chance Hamlin and Allie Craine, and they have different backstories. I mean, I like the name Stormy Piper, but still.

Hi Poppy,

I hope you've been having a great week.

I was, until you called me Poppy and tried to take my money.

Hi Mark,

I recently came across Hot and Heavy: Chance Encounter, and I really enjoyed the spark in the premise especially how such a simple moment like an Uber ride turns into something unexpected and full of tension.

There’s a natural chemistry between Tyler and Lea that feels both spontaneous and engaging, and I like how the story leans into that sense of “one moment changing everything” without overcomplicating it. It gives it a very easy-to-get-lost-in feel.

There is absolutely nothing in that email that has anything to do with any of my stories.

"I came across Dawn of the Chupacabra on Goodreads, and what stood out was the way you blend historical guilt with supernatural horror. The idea of a Confederate deserter being hunted by a demon born of rage and retribution feels dark, layered, and purposeful.

It’s not just a creature story the themes of punishment, consequence, and violence echoing beyond war give it real weight, especially as an origin tale. It feels designed to unsettle readers rather than simply scare them.

I work with a small group of active Goodreads readers who enjoy horror and dark fantasy with substance and leave thoughtful, genuine responses. I only reach out when a book feels like it deserves more attention from the right kind of readers."

I'd read that book! It sounds great ... but I didn't write it.

After wasting my time, I figure the least these scammers could do is provide me with material for a blog ... and so they have. And I have a million more to make fun of! You'd think that would make me feel better about getting them--but it doesn't.

You can find our real books all over:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/search?attributes.contributorId=13727646

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: If it sounds too good to be true, it’s probably spam.

Here's what this election will bring

A lot of people are a bit concerned about the results of the upcoming election. I thought it would help everyone's anxiety if I went ahead and told you, in general terms, what will happen after this coming Tuesday.

(I am not telling you what I want to happen or who I support; only what will happen. Make a note of it.)

Currently Republicans control both the House and the Senate, but not by all that much. In the midterms it's not at all uncommon for the party that doesn't control the White House to make gains. Also, the war in Iran has dismayed many of President Trump's supporters. Iran has been attacking us for almost fifty years, and direct conflict with them was inevitable, but Trump is the one who pulled the trigger. Also, gas prices.

Both chambers will flip. Not by a whole lot (although it will be declared a landslide) but by enough for the Democrats to take control. This is a fairy safe prediction, considering the sitting president's party didn't hold the House in 8 of the last 9 midterms. My 2028 presidential election predictions are, well, not so safe.

I don't care much for most of the national politicians in either party, so I will be neither dancing nor crying in the streets. They're going to continue to spend us into oblivion, either way.

The results will trigger immediate charges from both sides of cheating, and legal challenges will go on for months. Say hello to recount season. As a firm believer in voter IDs (at no charge to the voter), I might mutter "I told you so" under my breath, but I'm not sure we've ever had an election with no fraud.

Well, there was the one time, when I came in eight out of seven candidates for Student Council, behind "None of the above".

President Trump, who always says what he means whether he's right or not, will be leading the fraud charge and have a lot of not-nice things to say. This balances out, when you consider all the not-nice things people say about him.

In the resulting chaos, thousands of lawyers will get filthy rich: both those in court cases, and those in Congress.

Democrats, elected on their promise to get things done, will spend the next two years doing everything they can to impeach Trump and do away with anything at all that was done during his presidency, whether there was any good to it or not. Lawyers will make lots more money. To be fair, that's what the Republicans would have done if the situation was reversed.

For the next two years nothing will get done. We'll spend a lot of money not doing it, though.

In 2028, the presidential primaries will get nasty. Really nasty. I mean, even by primary standards. There will be 1,476 candidates between the major parties, the smaller parties, and the independents.

When the dust settles, the major party Presidential candidates will be J.D. Vance and Andy Beshear, who is apparently the Governor of Kentucky. Beshear's VP candidate will be a person of color, female, gay, or some combination thereof.

A lot of things can happen in two years, but my gut is telling me the Democrats, who will be shouting Trump's name even more than his supporters did in 2016, will take the White House.

Although personally, I'd support these two:

President Harrison Ford (he already has some experience in the roll) and V.P. Cookie Monster!

Now that you've gotten this far I'm going to disappoint some of you: I am NOT open to debating politics. With anyone. Yes, I'm serious about the predictions, but I'm still a humorist: Say you laughed or didn't, then move on. If you want to express how much you hate this or that person, do it on your own platform.

But you can still buy our books:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/search?attributes.contributorId=13727646

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Knowledge is power, and reading is knowledge.

Halloween Drive-By

I have only a moment as I'm racing by, so here are some photos I've taken this Halloween season:

A candy stand at work. There was only a little chocolate, but I sniffed it out.

I was getting my car worked on when I realized someone in one of the showroom vehicles had been waiting way longer.

For some reason my chiropractor's Halloween decorations always include bones and vertebrae.

Scarecrows are guarding the courthouse square.

Some of them are wearing Central Noble School colors. I wonder if they all made it through the thunderstorm Thursday afternoon? That's not usually a problem for Halloween decorations.

Late September Christmas decorations--now, that's scary.

You know what's really scary? My writing workspace. The monitor is on a display stand my brother made in high school, which is standing on its front--that's why you can see drink rings. I suppose now I need to put a Thanksgiving photo on the background screen, but I don't have a Thanksgiving themed book.

All of our books, including Haunted Noble County, remain available all year round:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/search?attributes.contributorId=13727646

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter