Slightly Off the Mark

Mixed Feelings At Retirement Time

I had thought, when it finally came time to retire, I would be deliriously happy, and possibly get myself into trouble in my last days by giving no darns. (Or submit your own dirty word there.)

Instead, I'm a little scared.

I've been working for Noble County Government for thirty-five years as of December, 2025. For about thirty of those years I've been a dispatcher. Exactly how long I don't know, because nobody has any record of when I transitioned from being a jail officer to dispatch.

It's finally ending on February 1st.

Me at 25 years, with Mitch Fiandt and John Urso--we were all also volunteer firefighters.

Don't get me wrong: It was long past time. For many years, I've told people the average 911 dispatcher lasts only seven years on the job. I looked it up again, and the general consensus is now about 3-5 years. How many partners have I had in that time? When I tried to count them off the top of my head, I gave up at fifteen. Wait, sixteen. Seventeen.

Mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically it's an incredibly difficult job, and it really is hard for anyone to understand if they haven't done it themselves. Like many dispatchers, I ended up on medications for stress and depression (and blood pressure, and indigestion), made worse by the circadian-interrupting night shift and the three day weekends of twelve hour shifts. I winced whenever the phone rang--especially, of course, 911. Every slow hour was followed by head-spinning periods of chaos, with a fire on one side of the county, a heart attack on the other, and officers making traffic stops who don't know what else we might be juggling at the moment.

First responders--and yes, dispatchers are first responders, being the first to know about an incoming emergency--have a life expectancy much shorter than other people. The job literally kills you.

Yet it's the best full-time job I've ever had.

Okay, granted I've only had five full time jobs in my life, unless you consider my dawn-to-dusk lawn mowing operation in high school. It's also better than most part-time jobs I've ever had, and pays more.

There are a few times I can actually say I saved a life, and many other times I made a difference. Few dispatchers can say they never made a difference. That ain't too shabby.

But my back, my head, my nightmares, tell me it's time to call it a day.

It will be the first time in 45 years that I haven't participated actively in the emergency services. My mind tells me I've done my part, and my back tells me to take the win.

But it's scary, making such a huge change after so long. Between my retirement pay and early social security, I'll still be pulling in less money than I did, and right now my only plan to make up the difference is by transitioning to full-time writing.

My new office.

The problem with that is that I haven't made a profit from my writing business since the newspapers I wrote for got bought out, years ago. I'll certainly get a lot more writing related work done, but that doesn't guarantee income. Ask, unfortunately, most writers.

So, yeah; a little scary.

But my wife is not scared, because, well, she's always been braver than me, and I do have confidence in my writing ability. So here we go: Off to the next chapter, as they say. It's my hope that I'll be supported in my writing endeavor by reviews, reposts, and (of course) sales.

Stay tuned.

You’ll still be able to find us at the usual places:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: My writing mind is still sharp as a tick. Wait, pick? Rack?

This Decade Sucks

Let's face it: the 2020s have sucked. All of them.

Sure, we're only halfway through, but the bloody writing is on the frosty wall. I have a friend who thinks you only need to get through half the season with the Toronto Maple Leafs before you know the rest of the season will be a disaster--it's like that.

(I looked it up, they play hockey. They're the Chicago Cubs of Canada. But at least the Cubs had a good year in 2016, which you'll notice is not the 2020s.)

So there's no reason to think 2026 will be any better. People made that mistake at the end of 2020, and 21, and 22 ... well, you can count. The 1920s were much better: They actually roared. Until 1929, anyway.

Some people have been having a great decade: Arms dealers, drug companies ... um, the construction industry? Half the buildings in America either burned, floated away, or were blown away in the last five years. If your house landed in the next town, you'll have bigger problems than just changing your zip code.

Although no matter how bad a time period is, someone is happy--for example, Hitler had an awesome 1939.

I don't want to turn this into a Rodney Dangerfield routine. Or maybe I do--Rodney understood the value of comedic complaining. But it wasn't the best decade in the world from a personal standpoint. Emily and I were sick so much the CDC pitched a tent in our back yard. 2022 was the first year I ever got the flu after having a flu shot.

2025 has been the second.

Once, Emily lost her voice. At first it was cool, because I walked around the house telling puns and singing Christmas songs loudly. Then she summoned enough strength to start throwing things at me. On a related note, I suffered a head injury that year.

This was the decade all the stupid stuff I did when I was younger came back to pain me. I was an active volunteer firefighter for forty-two years. Now I have to decide if it's really worth getting out of bed to pee.

Then, as in the old joke, I went to the doctor and told him, "It hurts wherever I touch".

He said, "Idiot--your finger's broken."

My left index finger has a scar and a bit of a bend from being broken twice, but it never bothered me. Now it's a doctor joke. My joints were as stiff as the Tin Woodman, and my head proved accurate in predicting the weather five days out. I realized I should go apologize to all the adults who wouldn't play with me when I was a kid--I had no idea how much they were hurting.

And they never complained, either. Most of them were the children of the Great Depression and World War II, events that remind us that yes, it could be worse.

We also started our next round of having to replace stuff. The couch broke, the toilet broke. The refrigerator sounded fine, but it stopped cooling anything. We replaced our ailing ruby red 2014 Ford Escape with a ruby red 2019 Ford Escape. Some people still haven't realized that.

It used to be I'd call my brother for help with these things, but, well ... the 2020s suck.

Rodney Dangerfield could have said all this better, but you get the point.

In 2022 the world population reached eight billion, and two out of three got one of the three pandemics pandemic bugs going around. The third got heat stroke, or frostbite.

Inflation hit its highest level since the early 80s, a time I remember as being as bad as ... well, the early 2020s. Come to think of it, so far this winter reminds me of the early 80s. Russia's invasion of Ukraine is the biggest European war since WWII. The Queen of England died, after being in that position for so long nobody remembers who she replaced. (I think it was "King Something".) So far as I'm aware, none of these events are related, but there you go.

There was lots of other stuff, but I'll just end with: Monkey Pox.

Rodney would have had a blast with Monkey Pox. "My doctor said I should get vaccinated. I told him I wanted a second opinion, and he said 'Okay: You're ugly, too'."

"My parents took me to a dog show--and I won."

I miss Rodney. He'd know how to face 2026.

There’s always reading, and none of our books are about the 2020s:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: The 2030s are coming, and they can’t be worse. Right?

Stunned By a Songwriter's Note

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Ours was ... iffy ... although it came with a moment that shocked me.

Some of our dispatchers did a great job decorating Noble County Communications this year, so I'm going to sprinkle in a few photos of that along the way. I worked both Christmas Eve and Christmas night, but neither was as busy as I thought they'd be.

Now, my last blog was about Christmas songs, and I poked a little fun at "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer". One of the places my blog appears is the Humor Outcasts website, and you can see it here:

https://humoroutcasts.com/2025/how-the-scrinch-loved-christmas-songs-2/

If you do go there, look down to the comment by a guy named Randy Brooks, who said:

"Thank you for softening up on “Grandma” on the end. You almost hurt this songwriter’s feelings."

That seemed strange, to me. Surely poking fun at one song doesn't insult every song writer. Then I had a hunch, and did a web search for Randy Brooks.

Randy Brooks is the man who wrote "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer".

I don't consider myself a celebrity worshipper, but I was gobsmacked. How did he even find out about my blog, anyway? Maybe one of his hardcore fans Googles the song from time to time, and sent him the link. I'm just glad I softened up on Grandma, in the end.

(By the way, I also discovered his uncle was Foster Brooks, who was one of my favorite comedians back in the day.)

I've talked briefly with a few celebrities over the years, but that was still the highlight of my Christmas.

One of the reasons for that is that we haven't actually had a family Christmas celebration. We also haven't celebrated my youngest daughter's birthday, and the birthday party for her youngest, Zander, had to be delayed. Everybody--so far as I can tell, everybody in the entire Midwest--has been sick. Emily and I mostly stayed home, both to prevent giving what we have to others, and to prevent getting something else from them. In other words, a typical Hunter family winter.

So what is it Emily and I keep trading back and forth, the flu? It wasn't even on my Christmas list. So I researched what's going around in Indiana right now, and here it is: influenza (flu), norovirus, COVID-19, and RSV.

So ... everything.

Apparently the flu season is looking to be especially bad this year. We had our flu shots, so maybe that's why we were mostly only a little sick, although for five or six weeks (so far). I think there was only couple of weeks or so of fever between the two of us.

But there's another possibility.

At work I started to dive into the Christmas treats, as one does, especially while trying to stay awake on a 12 hour overnight shift or two. We always get nice donations of food from our bosses, coworkers, and other people who appreciate us. It's very nice.

But everything tasted ... wrong. Even the chocolate.

Like when you have COVID.

So we've continued to stay away from people, except when I had to work, and I sure overdosed my console with cleaning wipes. I don't know what caused my taste buds to rebel, but it's more likely we had flu, and if it was COVID, it was a mild case. Nobody particularly wants any of those.

Next Christmas, I only want to get chocolate. And maybe an email from Mariah Carey.

If I ever become a celebrity, you can find me here:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter