I'm the Real Weather Wizard

 Seasonal changes can get confusing. Of course, every place in the world has the same expression: If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes: It'll change. (There are possible exceptions, such as, say, the middle of the Sahara.)

The reason it's a universal concept is because it's true. But I'll add something: I have the ability to effect the weather.

How do I do this? By not wanting to.

Some things thrive no matter what the weather. I am not one of those things.

 

I've known for years that what we used to call Indian Summer would not arrive in Indiana until I've completely winterized the house. September, November--doesn't matter. Winterizing my house, which was built before anyone had ever heard of winterizing, is serious business. A square mile of clear plastic is involved. Six miles of various kinds of tape. I swaddle the air conditioner with a special cover designed just for it ... to which I add numerous yards of duct tape, after once finding the cover wrapped around the bank sign next door.

This must all be done before the last warm weather of summer arrives.

I found this growing in the back yard this spring. Not sure when it was planted, but it doesn't seem to need much water.

 

One year, as an experiment, I didn't prepare for winter at all. We had no autumn that time around: It went straight from summer into winter. Honestly, I don't think the frozen pipes and hypothermia were worth proving the point.

This spring I thought I had it beat (again). I watched the long range forecast very carefully, and instead of opening up the house for spring, I waited until I saw the inevitable spring snowstorm approach. It did, then the temperatures got into the 70s. That Friday I happily turned off the furnace and took down the storm windows.

That Saturday I brought out the space heaters and extra blankets. For meals that weekend we baked every bit of frozen food we had, and slept by the stove. We made the dog sleep with us, which annoyed him greatly--he already has a fur coat.

"Sunshine makes me smile. And pant."

 

So there you have it: I can control the weather. Kneel before me.

Or at least, bring me some firewood.

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https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
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Willa's Birthday Photos

 Willa turned one, and I turned a camera (phone) on her. See what I did, there?

The big question, of course, was whether she would like her cake.

She did.

Presents!

Big sister Lilli was there too, of course, and she also seemed to like the cake.

Okay, I didn't take a whole lot of photos. As I get older, I've started appreciating being there more, and worrying about later ... well, later. Which doesn't mean I'll stop taking pictures.

http://markrhunter.com/
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A Trivial, But Historical, Bit Of Promotion

 Hoosier Hysterical was voted by four out of five readers as the funniest book about Indiana history and trivia ever written in my house:

https://www.amazon.com/Hoosier-Hysterical-became-midwist-without-ebook/dp/B01H7YJNFE/

 The fifth reader was just upset because they accidentally learned something.

 

 See, here's the thing: Every now and then, as a published author, I really should promote the published stuff. No, I won't starve to death if you don't buy my books. (Well, probably not--I can't predict the future.) 

But I work hard on these books (and in this case, so did Emily), and it is nice to be appreciated. Even if I do use the parenthesis too much. (Do I?)

Besides, we could all use the laugh.

Getting Ambushed By an Anti-Credit Crisis.

 So, I got a letter from my credit card company, saying I was scheduled for an "account review". They wanted to let me know that, because the highest balance on my account has been significantly lower than my credit limit, my credit limit could be decreased.

Now, let's think about this for a minute.

I'm being punished for being fiscally responsible.

 This annoys me.

 It's no wonder nobody worries about the national debt. Apparently, if I continually spent more than I could afford and kept a credit card balance high enough for the company to rake in interest, I'd be rewarded with more spending power. It would be as if Congress members got voted back into office because of their skill in spending money the government doesn't have.

Oh.

Yeah, that pretty much explains it.

I recently donated to the IRS.

 

Of course, a credit card company is a business, and certainly they're in it for the bottom line. You can see why they'd want to give more credit to someone who spends a lot of money, because that person is also paying interest, which goes to: the credit card company. I get that. On the other hand, you have to wonder what harm I'd doing them by keeping my cards paid off. Everything else being equal, I'm costing them the same amount of money whether my credit limit is a hundred dollars or a million.

You'd think they'd keep my credit limit up, hoping something big happens like a pet dog needing surgery (as an example). When that happened to us, I did put it on the card. Of course, I also paid it off within two months, which probably annoyed them.

"Dude: If your e-mails annoy you so much, put that thing down and pet me, instead."

 

I don't really mind all that much. After all, I don't plan on running up the card, and if I suddenly needed a bunch of money I'd try for a lower interest source, such as almost anything that doesn't involve an enforcer named Guido.

But it's not the first time I was annoyed by, pardon the expression, the principle of the thing.

I keep thinking that if I sell enough books, I wouldn't need a credit card. But then I'd have to pay an accountant ... with a credit card.

 

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

Murphy's Law Is Very Clear

Author's note (me. I'm the author): I wrote this back in 2021, and apparently never posted it anywhere except on Humor Outcasts. Murphy's Laws probably cover that. (It also doesn't explain why the text and background have changed color in this post.)
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 Murphy’s Law is very clear on certain points. Most of us are familiar with Murphy’s Law #1, which states that if anything can possibly go wrong, it will. There’s also Murphy’s Corollary #14, which says that if Mark Hunter attempts any manner of mechanically based activities, Murphy’s Law #1 is immediately in effect.

Then there’s Murphy’s Law #27, which was added to the list in 1923 by Murphy’s grandson, G.C. Murphy. I discovered Murphy’s Law #27 several years ago, when I paid off my car. It's the one that states, “Immediately after making the very last payment on something, it will break.”

I looked forward to paying off my car with mixed feelings. My car had been very good to me, and I didn’t want to see the poor thing fall apart just because I didn’t owe anything on it. Still, I figured as long as the cost of repairs didn’t exceed the payments, I’d break even.

Maybe “break” was a bad way to put it.

At the time I had a foreign car, a Nissan. Well, maybe foreign. Since many foreign cars are assembled in the U.S., and many American cars are assembled from parts made in other countries, the only way you can be sure of having an American vehicle these days is to build it yourself.

That I wasn’t prepared to do – see Murphy’s Corollary #14.

The first winter after I paid it off, the gas line froze. But in its defense, I don’t handle winter well, either.

 

I’ve owned one other foreign car, but it was made in France. The French car started almost every single time I turned the key – but whether it would then go was a crapshoot. It was a safe car, because cars that won’t leave the driveway rarely get into accidents.

I’ve also owned Fords, Chevys, Pontiacs, and a funky looking white Dodge Omni that my ex-wife sacrificed to the gods of utility poles. I have only one real requirement: They should start when I turn the key, and go where I steer. That’s about it.

My Nissan did that. Then, two months before it would be paid off, I was surprised by a letter from my friendly bank, informing me my loan had matured, and they would like all the rest of their money. Now.

I had no idea loans matured. I thought they came out of the bank fully grown.

I sent the money, then the bank sent me another letter to inform me I overpaid, and here’s my refund. Wasn’t that nice of them, to spend $2.67 on paper, envelope and stamp so I could get my $1.43? They were probably imagining the look on my face when I opened the envelope.

Now, from the moment I sent in that last check I had the feeling a huge, steel toed shoe was hovering over my head, ready to drop. To my surprise, the doors didn’t fall off when I sent the check. The engine didn’t explode when I received the refund. By the time the title arrived, I was so nervous I scheduled an oil change, just so I could say I’d taken care of the routine maintenance and was in no way at fault for whatever was about to happen.

The car I bought after the Nissan. This was taken after it was paid off.

 

As I sat in the waiting room, contemplating the pluses and minuses of buying a moped, the maintenance guy popped his head in and said cheerfully, “Your car is done!”

 My voice rose five octaves. “Oh my gosh! It’s done? Finished? Over? What happened? I need to be with it, to say goodbye–“

“No, no, you don’t understand – I mean, we’re done changing the oil.”

“Oh … thank goodness, I thought –“

“And you’re going to need new brakes soon.”

I refer you back to Murphy’s Law #27.

“How soon?” I asked. “A few months? A year or so?”

“Within two weeks, unless you live for thrills and close calls. You could buy an anchor, but depending on what it hooks onto, that could cause more harm than good.”

The new brakes – and I doubt I need to tell you this – cost the same as a car payment. But that’s hardly surprising:

Murphy’s Law is very clear.

(Postscript: My Nissan was later demolished by a hit and run driver. My next car was paid off, then totaled by a hit and stay driver. In my current vehicle, I twitch whenever I see any other cars come close. I’m sure that’s covered by another of Murphy’s Laws.)

My wife in our current car. Which we just paid off, so … it’s just a matter of time.

http://markrhunter.com/
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