The State of My Writing Career

 I used to be a submitting machine ... but now I'm tired.

If a writer wants to be traditionally published, they must submit. Their short stories, novels, non-fiction books, must go out to those publications that accept un-agented submissions, or they must go through literary agents for the other publications. (Independent publishing is a different animal, which some writers swear by to bypass traditional gatekeepers.)

I have an Excel file I've used to track my submissions since 2009. (!) It has 418 entries. Some of those resulted in request for further materials, such as a synopsis and opening chapter that led to an agent wanting to read the entire manuscript. A very few led to publication.

In 2022 I submitted to magazines, agents, and book publishers 77 times. In 2023 I only made 45 submissions, and so far in 2024--zero.

What went wrong?

There are always distractions. This distraction lives next door, and likes to have her belly rubbed.

 

What went wrong is what went right: I got a "yes", and was contracted to write a book. It took me a year, during which time I was too busy to worry about my other projects. Now it's time to play catch up.

That stranded a lot of material, just waiting to go back into the wild, cruel publishing world. On the other hand, I have the advantage of considering most of it fair game again: If no one I submitted to has expressed interest for over a year, chances are pretty good I can move on. That includes, sadly, a couple of exciting requests for fulls.

So I have six completed short stories ready to go out. I'll probably polish them, and everything else, one more time before submitting, since they've grown "cold" and I can look at them with a more objective eye.

I'd really like to see all this done before I grow cold.

 

I have six completed novel manuscripts, and two more that need revisions before they're ready. Oh, and a novella: a Storm Chaser prequel that promises to be a lot of fun.

I have two books, one fiction and one non-fiction, that I started on and need to finish.

Then there's my sudden realization the other day that the nation's 250th anniversary is coming up in just a couple of years, and that might present the perfect opportunity for a Hoosier Hysterical sequel.

I'm thinking "Hoosier Hysterical II: Hoosier Hystericaller". No?

 

This is why sometimes it frustrates me that I could have retired from my full time job two years ago, but can't afford to. Imagine what progress I could make if I sold enough books to write full time!

Well, I guess that's what promotion and publicity are for. They're next on the list.


Remember: Every time you buy a book, you encourage an author to write another one. Enable those poor people.


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Movie Review: Deadpool and Wolverine

 One danger of watching "Deadpool and Wolverine" in the theaters is that you never know what was spilled on that floor you're rolling around on.

And I don't mean you'll be making out with someone because the movie's boring, either. No, "Deadpool and Wolverine" is exactly what it's advertised to be: Profane, fast-paced, irreverent, hilarious, and ... oh, yeah. Emotional.

That's the trick Ryan Reynolds and company manage to pull off. Deadpool speaks directly to the audience, talks about being in a movie, makes fun of Marvel and Disney, and just generally breaks all the rules. Then he grabs you by the feels and pulls you in until you actually care about this guy, despite the fact that you both know he's only a character.

Wade Wilson has left his super anti-hero days behind him and sells cars, badly, after a failed attempt to join the Avengers. But he's pulled back into his old life when he discovers his entire universe is going to end because of the loss of its anchor hero, Wolverine, who died during the events of "Logan". (Hey, it been out way too long for that to be a spoiler.)

That sends Wade on a multiverse-spanning search for another Logan to bring back, an attempt that treats us to several different Wolverines until Wade finds one that may work. Unfortunately, it's the worst Wolverine in all the universes. Together they set out on a blood splattered journey across timelines, encountering familiar help and villains along the way.

Yes, it has a plot. But just putting Reynolds and Hugh Jackman in a room together would generate plenty of fun for two hours, all by itself. They're clearly having a blast here, and yet, as mentioned earlier, they also generate plenty of pathos and suspense. After all, there are millions of universes, and Deadpool's isn't even the main Marvel one. There's nothing to say it will survive the fight.

I'm not sure there's any way to communicate just how much fun "Deadpool and Wolverine" is. It helps to know something of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (especially the TV series Loki). It also helps to be a fan of the comics, although its not necessary. Most of the main points we hit along the way are familiar to even those with only a passing knowledge of the MCU, for the same reason someone who's never seen Star Wars can spout off a dozen catchphrases and the basic plot.

 

Just the same, the sheer number of cameos, references, and background clues will bring squeals of glee from comic fans, even as non-comic fans enjoy the fast pace and no holds barred banter. Oh, and the stabbing. Lots and lots of stabbing. Did I mentioned the movie's rated R? Do NOT take your kids to see it.

But take yourself to see it. If you have half as much fun as Reynolds and Jackman clearly did, it'll be a good day.



Where to find our books or just have some fun:

 

Remember: Books can be just as much fun as Deadpool, without having to clean up the blood.

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Old Olympics Events Leave Fans Confused

Here's a look at some past Olympic sports that are no longer in the games.

Several years ago, baseball and softball were pulled from competition. The American women dominated in softball, while in baseball Americans … well, they only got three medals in five tries. The Cuban team grabbed the gold. There’s not much else to do in Cuba, except play baseball and stare longingly toward Florida, where senior citizens have high speed internet and all-you-can-eat buffets.

In lacrosse, a medal event in 1904 and 1908, people in face masks hit their balls with big fly swatters. It died out in the early 1900’s because only the Canadians, British, and Americans were willing to take the punishment. Former lacrosse players are now employed as dog catchers and butterfly collectors.

Basque pelota was only a medal event in 1900, because nobody could figure out how to pronounce it. It’s played on a court with a ball, sometimes using a racket, but sometimes not.

In other words, it’s handball. If they’d called it that, basque pelota-ites would be on Wheaties boxes.

 

Downhill skiing initially fared poorly, with over a dozen cases of heat stroke before it was moved to the WINTER games. 

 

Tandem cycling was popular in the Olympics, from 1920-72. It’s being considered again with more interesting rules: The guy in front steers, while the guy in back can lash out at other competitors with lacrosse sticks. It’s now a favorite of retired hockey players.

In 1948 winter pentathlon was put on as a demonstration sport, and consisted of downhill skiing, cross-country skiing, shooting, fencing, and horse riding.

All together. In the same event.

Cat Pool proved particularly popular with pooch preference people.

 

Sweden, which remained more or less neutral through World War II, had a whole army of young men just itching to shoot something: They swept all the winter pentathlon medals. However, the sport was discontinued after ski-clad Swedes on horseback shot all the competitors’ horses while jumping over the fencing.

Motorboarding--I initially thought this was something altogether different--was tried in 1908. It ended with only one boat finishing in each of three races. It turns out the Swedes used their winter pentathlon rifles to shoot up the other boat engines, leading officials to change to rowing.

Polo was a favorite Olympic event in the early 1900’s, but it was canceled after the Swedes sent in their entry forms.

The Olympics also tried an obstacle course … for swimmers. Competitors had to climb over a pole, go over a row of boats, and then swim under another row of boats. Luckily they had an excess of boats left over from the motorboat races.

Speaking of swimming, in 1984 they tried solo synchronized swimming.

Think about it.

 

Synchronized Ball Inflation preceded most Olympic sports that included balls, but failed badly after the tennis event caused several aneurysms.

 

Then there’s the one Olympic sport I actually participated in: Tug of war. Not in the Olympics, but we won, and didn’t have to borrow Swedish rifles to do it. Between 1900 and 1920 the sport was dominated by Great Britain, which sent teams of police officers. And remember, their cops were unarmed. Good thing the Swedes didn’t have a team.

Distance plunging would have been interesting … or not. Athletes would dive into the pool and coast underwater, without moving.

That’s it. The winner is the one who drifted the longest in sixty seconds, or when they floated to the surface, whichever came first. An American won the gold, although it should be noted that this competition happened only once, in the 1904 St. Louis Olympics. It should also be noted that only Americans competed.

I’m not sure how they could tell whether the athlete was winning, or drowning.

Groundhog Racing was halted after a series of crashes--and rabies.
 

Also at St. Louis, another US competitor did an impressive job winning gold in a sport that still gives old gym class haters nightmares: the rope climb. Why was George Eyser so impressive? Because he had a wooden leg.

In 1906 they tried the sport of pistol dueling. No, it wasn’t won by a Swede. It wasn’t really dueling, either: Competitors shot at a dummy dressed in a frock coat, and by dummy I don’t mean the guy who planned the Sochi games. It’s a good thing, because it could have been the one sport where the silver and bronze medals were awarded posthumously.

Finally, here’s a sport they tried just once, at the 1900 Paris Olympics:

Live pigeon shooting.

When the feathers cleared, a Belgian named Leon de Lunden got the gold for downing 21 birds, none of which had a say in the matter. Then he celebrated with a steak dinner.

Once the onlookers got a look at the mess left behind, they decided the Swedes weren’t so bad.

 

 

 

Remember, books can make your brain strong enough to win the reading gold.

 

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