Author's
note (me. I'm the author): I wrote this back in 2021, and apparently
never posted it anywhere except on Humor Outcasts. Murphy's Laws
probably cover that. (It also doesn't explain why the text and background have changed color in this post.)
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Murphy’s
Law is very clear on certain points. Most of us are familiar with
Murphy’s Law #1, which states that if anything can possibly go wrong, it
will. There’s also Murphy’s Corollary #14, which says that if Mark
Hunter attempts any manner of mechanically based activities, Murphy’s
Law #1 is immediately in effect.
Then
there’s Murphy’s Law #27, which was added to the list in 1923 by
Murphy’s grandson, G.C. Murphy. I discovered Murphy’s Law #27 several
years ago, when I paid off my car. It's the one that states, “Immediately after making the very last payment on something, it will break.”
I
looked forward to paying off my car with mixed feelings. My car had
been very good to me, and I didn’t want to see the poor thing fall apart
just because I didn’t owe anything on it. Still, I figured as long as
the cost of repairs didn’t exceed the payments, I’d break even.
Maybe “break” was a bad way to put it.
At
the time I had a foreign car, a Nissan. Well, maybe foreign. Since many
foreign cars are assembled in the U.S., and many American cars are
assembled from parts made in other countries, the only way you can be
sure of having an American vehicle these days is to build it yourself.
That I wasn’t prepared to do – see Murphy’s Corollary #14.
The first winter after I paid it off, the gas line froze. But in its defense, I don’t handle winter well, either.
I’ve
owned one other foreign car, but it was made in France. The French car
started almost every single time I turned the key – but whether it would
then go was a crapshoot. It was a safe car, because cars that won’t
leave the driveway rarely get into accidents.
I’ve
also owned Fords, Chevys, Pontiacs, and a funky looking white Dodge
Omni that my ex-wife sacrificed to the gods of utility poles. I have
only one real requirement: They should start when I turn the key, and go
where I steer. That’s about it.
My
Nissan did that. Then, two months before it would be paid off, I was
surprised by a letter from my friendly bank, informing me my loan had
matured, and they would like all the rest of their money. Now.
I had no idea loans matured. I thought they came out of the bank fully grown.
I
sent the money, then the bank sent me another letter to inform me I
overpaid, and here’s my refund. Wasn’t that nice of them, to spend $2.67
on paper, envelope and stamp so I could get my $1.43? They were
probably imagining the look on my face when I opened the envelope.
Now,
from the moment I sent in that last check I had the feeling a huge,
steel toed shoe was hovering over my head, ready to drop. To my
surprise, the doors didn’t fall off when I sent the check. The engine
didn’t explode when I received the refund. By the time the title
arrived, I was so nervous I scheduled an oil change, just so I could say
I’d taken care of the routine maintenance and was in no way at fault
for whatever was about to happen.
The car I bought after the Nissan. This was taken after it was paid off.
As
I sat in the waiting room, contemplating the pluses and minuses of
buying a moped, the maintenance guy popped his head in and said
cheerfully, “Your car is done!”
My voice rose five octaves. “Oh my gosh! It’s done? Finished? Over? What happened? I need to be with it, to say goodbye–“
“No, no, you don’t understand – I mean, we’re done changing the oil.”
“Oh … thank goodness, I thought –“
“And you’re going to need new brakes soon.”
I refer you back to Murphy’s Law #27.
“How soon?” I asked. “A few months? A year or so?”
“Within
two weeks, unless you live for thrills and close calls. You could buy
an anchor, but depending on what it hooks onto, that could cause more
harm than good.”
The new brakes – and I doubt I need to tell you this – cost the same as a car payment. But that’s hardly surprising:
Murphy’s Law is very clear.
(Postscript: My Nissan was later demolished by a hit and run driver. My next car was paid off, then totaled by a hit and stay driver.
In my current vehicle, I twitch whenever I see any other cars come
close. I’m sure that’s covered by another of Murphy’s Laws.)
My wife in our current car. Which we just paid off, so … it’s just a matter of time.
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