Slightly Off the Mark

Avoiding the Kick Zone

Emily works at a saddle barn, guiding trails at Pokagon State Park here in Indiana. Emily is, shall we say, height challenged. I don't believe it's PC to say "short" anymore. But one thing I've learned from watching her work is that she knows how to get much bigger animals to do what she wants.

She knows how to get me to do what she wants too, but at least I don't have to wear a bridal. Well, except that one time.

I've learned a lot about horses from talking to her and watching her work. Horses are even a large part of my mystery/humor/supernatural novel We Love Trouble, which I hope you all get to read someday. She'll have to be listed in the book as "technical consultant".

Did you stick your tongue out at me, young man? Um, young horse?

That's why I know about the Kick Zone.

If you walk behind a horse, you either want to be right behind it, or drop back about a mile and a half. If you're close, but far enough away that the horse can wind up for a kick, you might soon find yourself landing in a tree.

You don't want to be in the Kick Zone.

Earlier this year I drove to Pokagon to pick up Emily. It gave me a chance to introduce myself to the new mule, who Emily described as "rather large". The Saddle barn had two mules. Freddy, who had his own Facebook and Instagram accounts before he passed, was normal sized. for a mule. The other one I hadn't seen yet, but as I walked up to her I imagined what Freddy said at first sight:

"It's a giant! Mulezilla!"

That's Molly with Emily, and no, this is not a trick of perspective.

Molly is the tallest equine animal in the Midwest. Horses and mules are usually measured by hands, but Molly is eight legs tall. Petting her was like trying to put out a forest fire: It's hard to tell where to start. It takes Emily five steps to get into her saddle, with the first step involving the word "trampoline" and the last step being to put on a high-altitude oxygen mask.

I'm just sayin', big mule.

After we got to know each other, Emily untied Molly and led her toward the barn, past me, which is okay because I'm to her side as she goes by. But that was when something spooked her. The mule, I mean, not Emily. The animals know better than to pull away from Emily, but the plastic bag, or crunched leaf, or perceived insult made her swing her back side around until it was aimed at me. The mule, not Emily.

I was in the Kick Zone.

There's only one thing to do: Flee. I backpedaled, reaching approximately warp 9 in half a second. Even the USS Enterprise can't reach that speed by going backward, but I did. Of course, the Enterprise might accidentally back into the Klingons, and I'd hate to fill out that road rage report.

Directly behind me was the end of the hitching line. It was a plastic pipe, maybe four inches in diameter, with the end aimed right at the small of my back like a police battering ram. Only less fun.

Molly with the offending railing end.

I did not scream when I backed into it at Warp 9, which, as you'll remember, is very fast. I did say something, which I'll just code as "Klingon! Oh, Klingon!"

I said "Klingon" several times.

The moral of this story is "situational awareness". It's also that you should keep ibuprofen, ice, and that green stuff from the chiropractor close by at all times. The chiropractor should also be close by.

Molly never kicked. I suppose her mind was on whatever spooked her: a candy wrapper, a passing mosquito, maybe the realization that Lost will never make sense. The hitching post just laughed off the incident. I drove us home with no problems, although it took several people to pry me out of the car and carry me to the couch. I'm now working on the outline of a novel about evil hitching posts that attack the unwary, and I'm calling it "Post Ghosts". M. Night Shymalan already has the movie rights.

Yes, horses do appear in some of my books, specifically the Storm Chaser series. Find them all here:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Just thinking about horses costs money for a horse lover, so help us with sales and reviews!

Call For Books, and Authors Appear!

I can type again! .... some.

A few author appearances are coming up:

On September 20 we'll be at Albion's Fall Celebration, which is on a Saturday from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Lots of vendors, plus a car show, all on the Noble County Courthouse Square in Albion. We plan to have all of our books available, and fingers crossed for good weather. Honestly, outdoor appearances make me very nervous, what with rain and all the paper.

https://www.albionstarteam.org/fall-celebration

On September 28th Emily and I are going to be guesting on the Easily Distracted by Cemeteries podcast, in a discussion I suspect will involve ... cemeteries. They're based not far from Diamond Lake, which, along with its accompanying hill, has a rich tradition of the supernatural.

https://rss.com/podcasts/easilydistractedbycemeteries/

"Join us as we discuss cemeteries, ghosts, and the antics of those visiting cemeteries with many distractions and laughs along the way."

We're starting at 2 p.m., but I assume this isn't live. I'll let you know when I have a broadcast time.

On October 30, from 6-7:30 p.m., we'll be at the Assembly Room of the Community Learning Center in Kendallville. I'll be giving a talk, then hosting a Q&A. But on the brighter side, I'm told there'll be drinks (non-alcoholic) and snacks. I'm reasonably certain I'll be able to string two words together, maybe three.

https://thecommunitylearningcenter.org/

This will be a ticketed event, which wasn't my idea, and please show up! It's to cover the CLC expenses, and it's a pretty great organization. The Community Learning Center is at 401 E. Diamond Street, in the old Kendallville High School, which was more recently the old Kendallville Middle School.

Hope to see everyone there, which would be quite a crowd. But if you can't make it ours books are all available online, pending operations by Skynet:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Fresh air never hurt anyone. I mean, outside of blizzards. And heat waves. And ... never mind.

Prices and Shipping Costs, and Other Boring Book Stuff

Pardon any typos, I'm still doing the speech to text thing.

We investigated the costs of producing and shipping our print books, and got some bad news: We're actually losing a little money on a couple of the books, and making hardly any on others. I'm all for a fun hobby, but this is also supposed to be a business, and when it comes to style--red is a bad look on a business.

So we have to increase the price of a couple of the books, by a dollar. This, of course, doesn't apply to the traditionally published books, Haunted Noble County, Indiana and Images of America: Albion and Noble County. In those cases the publisher sets the retail price.

On the matter of shipping costs, we took some books to the Post Office and did some figuring. Basically, sending our books to anywhere in the U.S. is $4.77 to ship, plus the cost of envelopes. There's also handling, but we don't get enough mail orders to charge for our time.

It means to mail one book to you is $5.00, which for Haunted Noble County is now set up on our website:

https://markrhunter.com/haunted-noble-county

Hitting the buy button will take you to a PayPal area for payment, and it will give us the address to ship it to. According to the Post Office, ordering two books would increase shipping to $5.22.

You might be money ahead to buy the book direct from Arcadia Publishing, where shipping and handling is a dollar less:

https://www.arcadiapublishing.com/collections/vendors?q=Mark%20R.%20Hunter&contributorID=14550

Last time I checked Amazon S&H was actually more, but a lot less if you have Prime, or a larger order to go with it:

https://www.amazon.com/stores/Mark-R-Hunter/author/B0058CL6OO

It's also online at Barnes and Noble and--wait for it--copies are available at the Barnes and Noble store at Fort Wayne's Glenbrook mall:

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/%22Mark%20R.%20Hunter%22

Has anyone seen Haunted Noble County, Indiana for sale at any other brick and mortar locations?

So you can get a signed copy direct from us through the website, or from Butterfly Alley Gifts here in Albion: https://www.facebook.com/p/Butterfly-Alley-Gifts-61551021355135/

You can also get signed copies at one of our upcoming author appearances, which I'll give you information about on my next post. If you show up somewhere with a book you already bought, of course we'll sign it ... but don't count on that increasing the book's value.

I have to stop for now ... my talking muscles are getting tired.

Oh, just one more thing: When I say "we" set up this or set up that, it's actually Emily who did it. Even if I could type right now, my lack of talent on computer design verges on legendary.