SLIGHTLY OFF THE
MARK
I’ve been thinking about how the New
Year should go. We all tend to think of that this time of year, don’t we? We
all resolve to be healthier, thinner, better educated, more understanding … and
we all hope some scientist will come up with a pill to do that without any
actual effort.
A certain amount of laziness is
human nature. It dates back to the caveman days, when we had to sit around and
conserve energy during lean times. If you missed out on the mammoth hunt there was
no government assistance; you went hungry.
As a result, the caveman got used to
being inactive when not hunting, which is why he got so upset when the
cavewoman wanted him to help decorate the cave. “Ah, can’t we just hire Ugg to
do the drawings?” He would protest.
“Oh, sure – Ugg is always eager to
decorate everyone else’s cave, but not his own. It’s a hole. Well, I guess if I
wait for you we just can’t have a nice cave, can we?”
Where was I? Oh, yes – I originally
was going to resolve to stop going off on tangents, but I got busy with other
things and forgot. Instead, I propose to make this year … wait for it:
The Year of Me.
I’m not talking the generic,
general, all six billion of us me. Here in America, it’s been a whole
generation of me. Or at least it seems that way; it’s mostly just that the
people who scream “Me, me!” get louder every year, while the young people we
don’t hear from are busy working to improve themselves and help others. You
know – the non-me people.
I’ve always felt a little guilty
whenever something seems to be just handed to me. I’m not saying I’d turn it
down, mind you. But this year, 2014, is going to be the year things come my
way, the big year, the year all my previous work pays off.
Okay, probably not.
Here’s the thing: I’m not a
numerologist. I don’t believe in the power of numbers or in astrology or any
superstition, knock on wood. Although it is true that during bowling I try to
influence the path of the ball by body motion and the power of thoughts.
Still, the number 14 holds special
meaning to me. I was born on the 14th, joined the volunteer fire
department on the 14th, and … well, that’s about it. I also got
married on the 14th, but that was my first marriage, so I can’t
exactly use the term “lucky number”.
In other words, it’s a not-big deal
that I tend to treat as a big deal. I remember back when I turned 14 years old,
thinking that was going to be my big year: I’d get the girl (any girl), my
grades would improve with little effort on my part, home life would get easier,
all bullies would vanish from my life, and someone would recognize the
burgeoning genius of my writing.
Didn’t happen.
But like all pessimists who are
secretly optimists, I hold onto any small thing that might indicate good times
to come. So this year will be 2014, the year of Mark. It will hold a dozen or
so fourteens over the months, and a whole month of 7, which is of course half
of 14.
I have decided that this means I’ll
have a big year on the publishing front. Sure, I could have predicted the
normal things, like losing weight, getting healthier, trimming my home’s bushes
for once – but we all know that’s not going to happen.
But I’ve already got a new novel
coming out late next year, so the way I see it I’m on a roll. (Unless there’s a
delay and it comes out in 2015 … no. No thinking that way.)
In addition to that book I have six
different fiction projects – count ‘em, six – sent out to publishers right now.
All of them are pretty good, according to my mom, and the dog seemed fascinated
when I read them to him. Three are short stories, which if bought will probably
come out in ’14, and let’s ignore the “if bought” part. One is a novel that
went to an agent, and if that agent should take me on she would start shopping
it to publishers, so … yeah, we wouldn’t see that for a while. The other two
are novels that went to publishers, and if they decided to buy them today, chances are good they’d come out
in … 2015.
Maybe I should do that older person
birthday thing and declare 2015 to be a repeat of 2014 …
But that’s okay, because I also have
some self-published products almost ready, and those don’t go through the
normal publisher delay. So expect an announcement about what will be announced
sometime early in the year.
That’s right; I just made an
announcement that there will be an announcement. A pre-announcement
announcement, if you will. Don’t judge me – that’s my wife’s job.
So 2014 will be the Year of Mark
(trademark pending), and the Year of Mark will be all about writing. I hope. Or
maybe it will be the year I announce a lot of writing that will come out in
2015, which I will then identify as the year of the post-Mark.
Maybe I should stick with diet and
exercise.
I hope 2014 is a great Year of Mark!
ReplyDeleteI hope it's a great year for all of us!
DeleteLet's hope it is the year of the Mark. Rooting for you.
ReplyDeleteI think Ugg previously owned the house I bought a few years ago, and redecorated it, when he was drunk.
Yeah, now that you mention it Ugg might have installed the plumbing in my place.
DeleteThe Year Of The Mark sounds good!
ReplyDeleteIt could be worse!
DeleteAlright! This is a great idea. We'll expect to hear great things from you.
ReplyDeleteWell, way to pile on the pressure!
Delete