SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK
As first seen in print and then online, but for some reason without my original title, in the Kendallville Mall: http://www.4countymall.com/mark-hunter---slightly-off-the-mark/weird-crazy-laws
You probably think the US Congress, our nation’s legislative body, comes up with some really crazy laws and makes insane, or at least dumb, decisions.
You’d
be right.
However,
they’re not the only ones. Across the world, there are laws, rules, and
regulations that are just a bit … strange. That doesn’t necessarily mean they
don’t make sense, but they’re definitely attention grabbing. As we hit once
again the dog-days of election season (November-October) let’s take a look at
some.
Speaking
of dogs, there was a time when dogsleds were the only way to get around in
Antarctica, a place perpetually frozen. I know what you’re thinking: Couldn’t
we relocate America’s Capitol to there, and let all that hot air thaw it out?
Well, no. First, it wouldn’t be such a good idea to thaw Antarctica. Haven’t
you ever seen The Thing?
Second,
Antarctica doesn’t belong to the people of the USA. Of course, these days
neither does our Capitol.
Sorry
for my dogged political jokes. My point is it’s a good thing powered equipment
came along, because it’s no longer legal to have dogs in Antarctica, something
the dogs are no doubt happy about. Why? Because it’s illegal to have any
non-indigenous species in Antarctica. After all, look at the bad things that
happen when non-native species are introduced to an area. Hordes of dogs could
destroy the entire continent’s ecosystem.
If
hordes of dogs would survive down there.
Just
the same, I support this, for the sake of penguins and … um … fish.
Speaking
of politicians, there’s one thing that will keep you out of political office in
the great state of Tennessee. Well, two things – you have to actually live in
Tennessee if you run for election. I doubt they’d take to carpetbaggers, either
… you hear that, Hillary Clinton?
But
back to the point: It’s illegal in Tennessee to hold elected office if you
don’t believe in God. Discrimination, you say? Maybe, but it’s also illegal to
seek public office if you’re a member of the clergy. Or if you’ve ever had
anything to do with dueling, such as setting up a gun fight between a preacher
and an atheist. And yet, for all that, they don’t have trouble finding people
to run for office.
What
do we take from this? If you’re an atheist in Tennessee, you don’t have a
prayer.
Yeah,
I went there.
Let’s
go back a ways – say, to 1403. About that time some people in Wales rebelled
against the King of England, Henry IV, who was just half the man Henry VIII
would be. Being a king, Henry naturally enacted a law allowing his subjects to,
well, hang any Welshman they found within the rebellion-hotbed city of Chester,
in northwest England.
Furthermore,
Henry added, he wanted to keep his subjects both entertained and skilled at
fighting. So, he allowed them to shoot at any Welshman within arrow distance of
the town.
It wasn’t nice; it’s just the way things were done back then. What makes this law remarkable is that … wait for it …
It wasn’t nice; it’s just the way things were done back then. What makes this law remarkable is that … wait for it …
It’s
still a law.
So if
you live in Chester, and you own a crossbow – go for it, dude! You’re all good.
Maybe
the Welsh should do what Sao Paulo, Brazil, does. Over 41 million people live
there, making it one of the largest provinces in the world. Why so many people?
Maybe
because, by city ordinance, no one living in the city of Biritiba-Mirim within
the province is allowed to … stop living.
It’s a
tough rule to enforce. I mean, how do you punish people who break it? The death
penalty?
Turns
out the rule was made to protest to a national law, something we Americans can understand.
The country as a whole prohibits new cemeteries in environmentally sensitive
areas, and Biritba-Mirin sits on a major water source. The city has run out of
cemetery space, a grave situation, although … do you really want to feel like
you’re drinking your ancestors?
For
now, if people break the rule in Biritba-Mirin and pass away, they end up
sharing a crypt with another body – or they end up buried under local
sidewalks. So either you’re on a party line to the afterlife, or you feel like
someone’s walking on your grave.
Back
in England, there’s also one place where it’s illegal to die: the House of
Parliament. Why? Because anyone who kicks the bucket there is automatically
entitled to a state funeral. Imagine some loud American tourist standing there
in his Hawaiian shirt, who suddenly chokes on a ham sandwich and – as they say
– bites the big one. Yeah, they gotta give him a state funeral.
It’s
also illegal to wear a suit of armor inside Parliament, but I’m picturing them
repealing that rule and sticking the dead tourist in one, so he doesn’t look
out of place during the festivities.
But at
least you can chew gum. In Singapore, they’ll cane you for that. The place is a
little … uptight.
Finally,
here’s my favorite somewhat odd law of them all, not because of its oddity but
because I can relate:
In New
Orleans, it’s illegal to curse at firefighters.
The
idea is that while a firefighter is, say, running into a burning building, or
doing CPR on a heart attack victim, or extricating people from a wrecked car,
he’s probably stressed enough. He doesn’t need, “Hey! You’re a lousy
firefighter, you @%#&!”
So be
nice to firefighters. For all you know, they may have just adopted some poor
unemployed Antarctic dog.
This unemployed Antarctic dog was adopted by a Welsh firefighter. |
Can we just cut Tennessee out of the Union, drop it into the ocean? Nothing good has come out of there since the Tennessee Waltz waltzed its way out of the state.
ReplyDeleteWell, my family came from there, so ...
DeleteFunny Blog today, Mark. You would have loved my husband's take on the blue laws back in the Northeast. He worked there when things came to a standstill in Phoenix. You could sit at a bar in one community, go to the next and you had to stand, in another go to a table. You could buy beer at one place but not at another. I'm sure he did a lot research on the entire area.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a fan of drinking in general, but a little standardization would be nice!
DeleteThere was a local by-law in the area of my first house forbidding me from opening a gravel quarry or pub in my back garden. Just as well, really as it was only five feet square.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hate antarctic dogs, so anyone who wants to sue me, get in line.
Aw, how can anyone hate a dog? This is assuming the dog isn't trying to gnaw your leg off, of course.
DeleteIf your back garden was big enough you could have dug a quarry, then hidden a pub inside it. Gotta nip that in the bud.
Funny post. These strange laws are always great for a laugh.
ReplyDeleteI think I've gotten three columns out of strange laws, now. Somewhere at home I've got a book someone wrote, called "You can't eat peanuts in church", that's filled with them.
Delete