Slightly Off the Mark: Happy 250th to a Cranky Country

Happy 250th to a Cranky Country

It's been said a nation has a life cycle, just like people do.

Perhaps our American gestation was the period when European powers first started planting their little colony seeds along the coast of this great continent. The new communities were unorganized, not entirely sure what they were meant for, and prone to doing things like throwing their rattles at the natives and turning New Amsterdam into New York.

Look, it's not a perfect metaphor. Um, simile. Either.

Like cells building themselves into an infant, people came to North America; for religious freedom, for land, for adventure, and sometimes just to be left alone. Even then we were a contrary bunch. As Benjamin Franklin said, "All nations have some citizens with high ideas, some who actually get things done, and some who are full of crap."

He probably said that. Or maybe it was Alexander Hamilton.

I don't remember Benjamin Franklin having earrings.

Our birth was a painful process, especially if you wore a red uniform, or were a Hessian soldier. The British doctor slapped us and then presented us with a bill, at which point we turned around and bit him. He was expecting cash. "Hey, I've been taking care of you for nine months! I protected you from Indians and the French, and all I asked from you in return is taxation without representation."

Our reply:

I've never seen Stranger Things, but that's also what John Adams said.

So we moved out of the house and into our own place. Actually we stayed where we were, maybe in the vacation cottage, and kicked our parents out. Every other nation in the world thought it would never work. It's like we were legally emancipated at the age of three, after spending a whole year throwing tantrums and spitting on our babysitter. Then we called up France and said, "Do you want to come over and play?"

France did, and they brought their toys.

But we got to live by our own decisions, despite our still developing minds. As we grew up, we started fighting with the neighbors and blowing things up.

Then we hit puberty, and our body began to fight against itself. A Civil War, you might say. We wanted to be one thing, but sometimes our actions didn't line up with our words, which is not unusual with adolescents. We had to win that battle within ourselves, to determine what kind of person we would be.

It turns out we had good intentions, although that didn't prevent us from doing stupid things.

Eventually we grew into a strong, capable young person, who generally wanted to be left alone, do their 9 to 5 job, then go home and drink beer. But the world became more complicated, and we were continually called to do our part--sometimes more than our part.

So we waded in and tried to make the world a better place, and sometimes we succeeded. Sometimes we failed. Sometimes we got our noses bloodied and wondered why the heck we were there to begin with. Sometimes we mistreated our neighbors and sometimes we saved them, and every now and then we did both at the same time. Oddly, some of the people in the neighborhood who didn't like us would still ask for our help when they were down and out. We helped them.

Sometimes we made ourselves look a little ridiculous.

As we entered middle age we had to wonder: What were we doing with our lives? What was really important, and what was not? We were of two minds on how to live our lives; sometimes three minds, or six, or a dozen. We started to feel a little creaky when we got out of our red, white, and blue bed in the morning. We started wondering if we were closer to sunset than we were to sunrise.

Now we often sit on the porch, yelling at the neighbors to get off our lawn! We argue with our own family, too: They're too loud, they don't show respect, they show too much respect, they're leaving the door open and letting all the heat out and/or in. Our checking account is in the red, our credit cards are maxed out ...

Then somebody starts yelling and throwing rocks at our windows. Suddenly we're a family again, because if you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us. And you don't want to do that.

So, what's next for us? Twilight years of bland food, bingo, and fighting with Medicare? After all, lots of other people would be happy to take our house over.

But I don't think so.

The United States of America still has life in it, yet. We may have to take some bitter medicine, get back into shape, and have healthy conversations again (imagine that!), but we can still get off that couch and be a strong people. It could be that sunset is really a sunrise.

We just have to face it together.

“Freedom of speech is a principal pillar of a free government; when this support is taken away, the constitution of a free society is dissolved, and tyranny is erected on its ruins."

--Benjamin Franklin