Storm Squalls: Partially New and Improved!

You can read a slightly different version of this blog on the newsletter:

https://mailchi.mp/0baf142adc82/our-new-book-is-out?e=2b1e842057

 Or, you may gotten the newsletter three days ago, in which case ... never mind. But don't forget our author appearance this coming Saturday at the Art and Author Fair, which you can read all about here:

https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/2022/04/were-coming-to-kendallvilles-art-and.html 

And now, back to our regularly scheduled blog. 

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Okay, this might get complicated.

As all fourteen of my regular readers know, my first published novel was Storm Chaser. When my publisher, Whiskey Creek Press, heard I was writing some short stories to promote the book, they offered to print them as a separate collection. That was the unfortunately titled Storm Chaser Shorts. I'm explaining that because chances are you haven't read it.

Storm Chaser sold so well Whiskey Creek Press published a sequel, The Notorious Ian Grant, which I personally think is even better. Later we self published The No-Campground Girls, which is set in the same universe and includes some of the same characters.

Then Whiskey Creek Press was bought out by a larger publisher. They continued to offer the books for sale, but otherwise forgot them and never reduced the prices even years later--prices I thought were too high for an unknown author to begin with.

In addition, Storm Chaser Shorts suffered from being too short for my publisher to do a print version, and many of my readers prefer print. Sales were poor, like me.

Eventually I got the rights back for all three works, which is why you can no longer find the e-book versions for sale. The new publisher still offers the print versions, despite the signed paperwork reverting the rights to me.

I told you it was complicated.

Our plan: to reissue all three books independently, with new covers and a lower price. We got delayed by COVID and other issues, but ....

Wait for it ....

This is also going to take some explaining.

The original title for the short story collection was no good, and I now refer to it as "The short story collection title that must not be named". I can see some browsing customer now:

"Wait ... Storm Chaser Shorts? Is that, like, padded underwear for storm chasers? Is it for protection, or scared bladders? Do they make them in boxers?"

So for our reissue we changed the name, and Emily designed a new cover, but wait--there's more!

We wanted a print version, and, if the original was too short for that ... let's make it longer! So we did. And now you can order either the print or electronic versions on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09YGJ1XR6

In fact, the new version, Storm Squalls, is almost twice as long as the Shorts. Of the sixteen stories, six are original to this new edition (they tend to run longer than the originals, too).  Seven of the stories take place before the events of the original Storm Chaser, while three aren't set in the timeline, so if you haven't read any of the Storm Chaser books you can still check those out. Sadly, it looks like we won't have the books available in time for the April 30 author appearance, but we'll have a pre-order sheet for anyone who stops by.

This is getting lengthy, so I'll talk more about it in a later blog. But just so you know, later this year we'll reissue Storm Chaser and The Notorious Ian Grant, also at a lower price. Hope you'll check them out!

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

An Author Appearance Necessity List

I'm sure you all added our upcoming author appearance to your calendars and phones, and possibly had the date tattooed backward to your foreheads. I mean, all those authors and artists together--it'll be Indiana's social event of the decade. (Although I'm told the world's biggest greased pig chase and cornhole contest will be next year in Muncie, so we might be in second place.)

So there's no need to post the link that announced the Kendallville Art and Author Fair would be at the Kendallville Community Learning Center Saturday, April 30, from 11 a.m. - 2 p.m. If I did, I'd put it here.

https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/2022/04/were-coming-to-kendallvilles-art-and.html

 But I won't. It's our first author appearance since late 2019--I suspect you know what happened after that. Even before that we didn't do them often, so I started a list of what we needed to bring. Then I realized, surely I already made a list? I do that. I went back and sure enough, there it was.

So, what does every good author, and most of the bad ones, need to bring?

1. Books. This is kinda important. If you do a book signing, you should have something to sign.

2. Change. When one goes somewhere to sell books, one must assume some books will be sold. Thus: change for those high rollers who walk around with hundred dollar bills. (I don't know any of them, either.)

3. A calculator or, these days, a calculator app. After all, the whole reason I became a writer is because I can't do math in my head.

4. Tylenol. You'd be surprised. No, probably you wouldn't.

5. A camera. My wife took a photo of me signing a book for an Indiana State Senator who, apparently not having read my columns about politicians, was very nice. You never know what you might get a picture of when you're out in the public.

6. Paper and pens. The pens are to, duh, sign books. The paper is because, even though We'll have iPhones with us, I don't trust technology.

7. A tarp and an umbrella, if the venue is outside. There's a reason why books aren't usually sold outdoors, but I laugh in the face of danger. Well, I cringe, which looks a little like laughing, if you squint. (This one is inside, so never mind.)

8. Business cards. Emily designed me my very own business card! Sometimes, when it's slow at events, I sneak around the crowds and pull the opposite of pick pocketing, leaving my calling card behind. Yeah, that was me.

9. A table and chairs. The basics, right? We bought a folding chair that's so comfortable I'm thinking of throwing away our couch.

10. Liquid refreshments. I'm thinking water. Hey, I don't need any help from alcohol to look foolish.

11. Displays and signs. To display stuff ... like signs.

12. Scotch Tape. It's the author's duct tape.

A lot of that stuff will fit nicely into the two totes we bought for the purpose, although, man, books can get heavy when you're carrying them a long way. How about you other authors? What's on your "to-bring" list? And what would you potential readers like to see an author supplied with?

Maybe I'll have a new book to sell that day; you never know.

Remember, every time you miss an author event, Edgar Allan Poe rolls over in his grave. You don't want to wake that guy up.

(But if you can't make it, find our books at:)

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

 

 

Happy Easter, Use Your Signal

 
“With love for mankind and hatred of sins.” – St. Augustine.

In other words, love the sinner, hate the sin.

It seems black and white, but it covers an area vast and gray as a Midwest winter. Love? Do we love Putin? Michael Vick? The Kardashians? All the Kardashians?

And how do you define a sin, anyway? Some people think it’s a sin to start a sentence with a conjunction. Hopefully they hate my sentences, not me. I think it’s a sin to make a turn without signaling, but I don’t want to blow up those drivers—just their cars.

If it's a sin to use a religious holiday to promote your products, I've got a lot of company.

There are bad people in the world. Call them sinners, or whatever you want. But here’s the thing: Most of the people you and I disagree with are not bad people. We just have different opinions. You may think there’s nothing wrong with making a turn without signaling. I think your car engine should explode and leave you stranded by a dead skunk carcass. Neither of us is bad, even if one of us in wrong. (It’s the stinky guy. He's wrong.)

So, while the issues may be complicated, and the differences may (or may not) be insurmountable, that doesn’t mean we can’t get along. There are more important things than whether that uncaring bum uses his turn signal. At the end of the day, maybe he realized the world’s problems were too big for him to worry about why that guy behind him honked and waved with one finger.

Groot finally took out that SUV that never signaled its turn!

The Bible has some pretty strict definitions of sin, and punishment for sinners. Then Jesus came along and said, “Hey, lighten up—good people do bad things. We should still care for them.” (I’m paraphrasing.) I’d be a poor Christian if I didn’t try to live up to that. Besides, we’re all sinners. You think it’s not a sin that I want to blow up perfectly good cars?

On Easter and every day, let’s try to keep that in mind. Debate, but don’t hate. Hey, I like that … I wonder if it’s been copyrighted? I don’t want to give it up to that guy who can't find the turn signal switch. (Dude, it's on the steering column. Up is right, down is left.)

 

 

There's something to be said for rebirth.

 

 

 

 

http://markrhunter.com/

https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

 

911 Is Still the Number For 911

 We're getting a new radio system in our dispatch center, and the guy training us on it claims we could use it at home, on a laptop.

This is a great idea in theory: It would save me gas, and clothes would be cheaper if all I had to buy was pajamas. Of course, video 911 is coming, and callers might not be comfortable with my Star Trek onesie.

Actually, callers might not like seeing me no matter what clothes I'm wearing.

"You got what stuck WHERE?"

This is my thirtieth year celebrating Public Safety Telecommunications Week, which is in April between the snow storms, brush fires, and tornadoes. Since the title's so long, I started calling it PSTW, which is kind of ironic because PSTW sounds a lot like PTSD. Everyone who's dispatched longer than seven years gets to know both. It's science.

Here's the strange thing: I'm burned out on this job. Once too often I've picked up the 911 line only to hear hysterical screaming. Once too often I was the last person someone ever talked to. Once too often the name of a victim or suspect ended up being someone I knew.

Yet it's still the best full time job I ever had.

I actually do wear a cape, but only at home when no one is watching. But yay, cookie! Better keep it away from the dog.

 

(To be fair, my part time radio DJ job was nothing but fun, even though I kind of sucked at it. But that job, in a problem similar to my writing gig, barely paid enough for the gas to get there.)

Maybe it's because we're actually doing something important. That's a weird thing to define when it comes to jobs, because the best paying ones often are the least important. When a family member is having a heart attack, you don't call your favorite sportsball player for an ambulance. For that matter, when your water pipe bursts you don't look up the number for Beyonce, or Reba McEntire. (Actually, Reba could probably help.)

But that's the way it goes, and at least I've never been stalked by a 911 groupie.

I know the artist!

 

If you've considered being a dispatcher, I'd encourage it. It's way more important than being a security guard at the Oscars. (Ahem.) Also, you have to be really bad at it to lose your job--the demand for dispatchers just continues to go up.

Still, it can be just a bit stressful. When I'm talking to new people, I like to give them a few tips they don't get in formal training:

No matter what the caller says when you pick up the line, never reply with "You gotta be kidding me."

Always know if you have a live mic. Always.

Try to avoid cursing in dispatch--see above about live mics.

Well ... at least try not to curse too much.

If you have to scream in the bathroom, turn the water on first.

 

Yes, you are a first responder. When 911 rings, you're the first to respond to whatever the problem is. All the others have the advantage of knowing that problem, because you find out.

Hold your temper if your 911 caller starts with, "This isn't actually an emergency ..." Deal with it if the business line rings and it is an emergency. So it goes.

If you have to bang your head against a wall, choose a different place each time, to avoid damage to the concrete.

And finally: If the melatonin gives you nightmares, try sleepytime tea. Sleep is precious.

On a related note, that idea of dispatching on a laptop from home? No. I already have dreams in which I come downstairs and find the dispatch center has been moved to my living room, and I'm the only dispatcher. Besides, I like my Star Trek onesie, and Star Wars pajama bottoms just wouldn't be the same.

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

A Walk Along Sand Lake

I got this all ready to post during the worst of winter ... now, in the worst of spring, I'm finally putting it out there. Let's face it, we're all at least half a year behind. 

-------------------------------------

 

Between Emily's knee surgery and my general laziness, we weren't taking Beowulf out for walks as often as we should, so before the weather turned icky in November we drove down to Chain O' Lakes State Park. I took him for a stroll along Sand Lake while Emily was in the car, luxuriating in not being at home. (Then we went for a drive.) Naturally, I took pictures.

Of course, no dog walk would be complete without the dog, who was happy to get some new smells in.

Honestly, it was a little depressing seeing everything closed up for the winter.
There were still a few brave souls camping, though. As you read this, outdoor stuff is finally getting a little easier.

Duck! Sorry. The geese weren't fond of the dog, I don't know why.

It was close to dusk, but there was still one fishing boat out there. Even with most of the leaves down, Chain O' Lakes is still a beautiful place to visit. We didn't see any deer this time, though.

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

 

We're Coming to Kendallville's Art and Author Fair

You can read a somewhat more embellished version of this announcement on the newsletter:

https://mailchi.mp/c66094d4e0c6/were-headed-for-the-kendallville-art-and-author-fair

 

 

 Looks like we're set up for our first author appearance since December of 2019!

We took a short COVID break, don't you know ... which stretched into two years. The Art and Author Fair in Kendallville also took a COVID break, as did just about everyone, but it's back on April 30, from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.

The Art and Author Fair will be at the Kendallville Community Learning Center this year, and will feature art ... and authors. Hey, I just figured out where they got the name. If you're an artist or author and want to be a vendor, go here:

https://www.kendallvillelibrary.org/art-and-author-fair-10323

 Now, that's vendor, not bender--contrary to tradition, a good artist does not have to go on benders.

 I know what you're thinking: "Mark, this was at the Kendallville library in 2017: What's the address of the Community Learning Center?" Good question. It's at the former Kendallville Middle School, duh. Which has an address. Yep.

Um ... just a sec.

As I was saying, it's at 401 E. Diamond Street in Kendallville, of course. You can't miss it, unless you're on a different street. The CLC supports a bunch of good work for the area, including the Kendallville Public Library, which remains the host of the fair. Speaking of which, the Facebook page for the Art and Author Fair is here:

https://www.facebook.com/events/7037120029694075

 I don't know yet if Emily can make it due to work commitments, but I'll be there with bells on. (Not really--that didn't go over well last time, in the library.) More info to come!

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

I'm Allergic to Oscar Slaps

At some point, as I was cleaning carpets Saturday, I raised some kind of allergen in the dust that laid me out like getting punched by Will Smith.

Don't worry, I'm not going to dwell for too long on the infamous Oscar slap--just a little.

I'm allergic to dust, or something in dust, or maybe I'm allergic to dusting. In any case, our house had cats living in it for many years, and I'm highly allergic to them. It's not easy getting dander out of every nook and cranny. I don't even know where the crannies are. (I'm also allergic to dogs, but sometimes you just have to suck it up, as in sucking dander into your lungs.)

"Bombardier to pilot, dander away!"

 

I have a lot of allergies, but for some reason dust is the worst ... maybe it has all the other allergens in it? I should wear a mask, but I'm a man, and men are stupid. So for the second half of the weekend I laid on the couch, in a medicinal stupor, and watched a marathon of How the Universe Works.

The great thing about the weekend is that I didn't watch the news for three days (or the weather, which pretty much spoke for itself). But I didn't stay completely away from social media, which is sad.

This explains why I had a dream, narrated by Mike Rowe, in which Jupiter insulted Saturn's rings, so Earth crossed through the asteroid belt and slapped Jupiter right in its spot.

"Now, that's what I call a close encounter."

"Memes, uh ... find a way."

For those of you who, like me, don't really care, at the Oscar ceremony Sunday Chris Rock made fun of Smith's wife's baldness, which is caused by a medical condition. Smith then smacked Rock and said, "Welcome to Earth".

Or something like that. I don't watch the Oscars after my doctor advised me to cut down on stress-inducing political speeches. Besides, I haven't watched the movie that won Best Picture since 2002.

You know, there should be an awards show for low-brow fans, like me. Best Picture, 1977: Smokey and the Bandit! (Actually, that year it was Rocky--which I did watch, so never mind.)

My allergies made me feel like Sylvester Stallone punched me. At this rate, I'll need a TV on the ceiling. (This is actually from a sleep study. I couldn't. Sleep, that is.)

Seeing the reaction to the Will-Rock incident made me realize I truly am from an older generation. If someone got up in front of a national audience and made fun of my wife's medical condition, I'd break their nose. The speaker, not the national audience. I recognize this is hypocritical, considering I'm such a fan of Don Rickles, although in my defense Mr. Personality never made fun of my wife.

But it's the 21st Century, and although you can't swing a cat without offending someone (which would offend someone), apparently it's no longer allowed to be offended on behalf of a loved one. "Violence never solved anything!" Which isn't true, but I like the thought.

But I'm a man, and men are stupid. In any case, Emily doesn't need my help: She could punch out both Christ Rock and Will Smith. I've seen her push around horses.

Although she never made fun of them.

 

No, I don't hate cats. Read the whole title, people.

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

Movie review: The Batman

Here's the strange thing: While The Batman is clearly a great movie, it's still not my favorite Batman movie. Of course, The Caped Crusader has been getting darker and darker every time he's appeared on screen since the 60s version. That's not surprising--especially with DC Comics movies, which for the most part still haven't figured out that dash of humor thing.

 

I like my Batman about halfway between the camp of the TV show and the relentless pain and drama of the most recent movies: My favorite was the 1989 version. It's probably no coincidence that the first Michael Keaton Batman movie also gave us my favorite Joker, in Jack Nicholson. But that's all a matter of taste, of course.

In this version Batman is just two years into his crime fighting career, and already questioning whether he's doing any good in a crime-ridden Gotham City. Most of the police hate him (with the exception of Detective Jim Gordon, well played by Jeffrey Wright). His seemingly only employee, Alfred, warns of the Wayne fortune's impending collapse, and now a serial killer is sending the Batman notes with strange riddles along with the bodies.

One of Batman's nicknames is "The World's Greatest Detective", a part of his persona often ignored in screen versions. But this movie is more a detective story (and psychological thriller) than a superhero flick, and we get to see Batman using his powers of observation and detective skills as much as his fighting abilities and cool devices. He allies with Gordon and the enigmatic Selena Kyle (Zoe Kravitz) to find answers he might end up not wanting to know.

It slows the movie down compared to most superhero moves. In fact, Batman often resembles more of a mix of James Bond and Sherlock Holmes, as he follows clues and questions suspects.

I'm not a fan of making superhero movies more "realistic" ... they're superhero movies. In particular I'd like the villains to be at least a little bit more like the originals, although you can't fault the casting (including Colin Farrell, John Turturro, and Paul Dano.) Many were surprised at how good Robert Pattinson is as Batman, but not me--I remember the same criticism of comedy actor Michael Keaton, who's still one of my favorites to play the role. As Bruce Wayne, not so much--Pattinson plays him as a single minded and perpetually downbeat mess--although, to be fair, that's exactly what the character would be like at this point in his life.

So there it is: I found The Batman too bleak and grounded for my taste, and yet it's a brilliant film, evidence that "comic book movies" have grown up. I hear there might be a TV series spinoff from this movie, and yes: I'd watch it.

Make sure you wear an adult diaper, though--a lot gets packed into a bladder-filling three hours.

My Score:

Entertainment value: 3 1/2 M&Ms out of four. From the fights and chases to the characters and Gotham City itself, it's a treat--although it's dark both figuratively and literally.

Oscar Potential: 3 M&Ms. It should be four out of four--The Batman is full of Oscar level work.

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

Scan The Sky For Scary Storms

 The Governor proclaimed March 13-19 to be Tornado Preparedness Week here in Indiana.  He used to call it Tornado Awareness Week, but a conspiracy theory emerged that without awareness we might not have noticed tornadoes in the first place, and so the governor actually caused the problem. Typical government.

The Governor's Office has denied this. However, they changed the name anyway.

I photographed this funnel cloud in Dekalb County. If it seems like I was far away, it's because I was--and that's the way to do it.

 

The biggest problem with hazardous weather is that it's hazardous. Otherwise we'd call it Non-Hazardous Weather, and then who cares? But since it is (hazardous), there are certain preparations you should make. Oh, they won't make the weather less hazardous, but there's something to be said for survival.

First, develop a plan. Your plan could be to prearrange your funeral and buy a plot, which does have the advantage of being good for any natural disaster, except a zombie outbreak. Or you could assemble a disaster supply kit, with such things as food and water, medicine, booze, a little cash in case you forget the booze, and so on. A first aid kit is a good idea, along with a crescent wrench to shut off the gas after a tornado. Your home's gas, I mean. Also, have something to keep the kids busy, otherwise you might need the first aid kit after using the crescent wrench on them.

You should also have fresh batteries for your NOAA All Hazards radio, which surely you have. Or, you could just have fresh batteries, and nothing to put them into. This is poor pre-planning. At least you changed the batteries on your smoke and carbon monoxide detectors.

Didn't you?

These twin tornadoes in Elkhart County were part of the Palm Sunday, 1965 Outbreak. Twin kids are cute; twin disasters are not.

 

Indiana averages around two dozen tornadoes a year, but in 2011 we saw 72. Since the peak season begins in April, it's possible for a tornado to plow through a partially melted snow drift, then into a brush fire, producing the feared Snow/Fire Twister. Soon to be an original movie on the SyFy Channel.

All the more reason to be prepared, and that means being alert during a watch (which means severe weather may develop), or a warning (which means scream a little, pee down your leg, but get to shelter).

 Shelter is the basement, or at least an interior room on the lowest floor, or you could pretend you're in the army and dig a foxhole really fast. Wrap up in blankets or heavy coats, or possibly pile your children and pets on top of you. Stay away from windows! In addition to broken glass, your neighbors could see you piling up your children and pets.

In cars or mobile homes, oh, boy--you picked the wrong place to be. Go find a better place, or lie flat in your car under your kids and pets, and pretend it's a new amusement park ride. Or, if all else fails, lay down in the nearest ditch, cover your head, and ... oh, who am I kidding? You're doomed. Lay on your back and check out the view, it should be amazing.

 

In all seriousness, tornadoes are amazingly bad, especially at night. Take it from an expert, which means someone other than me. There's the National Weather Service:

https://www.weather.gov/ind/SevereWxWeek

Which is the national service that deals with weather, and that's good enough for me.

Then there's the State of Indiana, which has been dealing with weather since 1816:

https://www.in.gov/dhs/get-prepared/nature-safety/severe-weather-preparedness/

Go check it out, and do what you can to be prepared. Not being ready for a disaster can be disastrous.

 

 

 

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

 

November Mowing Pictures

Just to remind you that this too shall pass, here are some pictures from when the weather was much nicer--in November of last year. Hard to believe anyone would call any part of last year the "good old days", but at least we weren't on the edge of world war. As for weather, I just saw a prediction of a couple of inches of snow for this weekend, which is normal for basketball playoff season.

------------------------------------------------------- 

 

I get such a kick out of mowing the lawn in November. It means I'm not shoveling snow, for one thing. This year I got one last mow in before all the ick began, and I took some pictures along the way because nothing says "safety" like holding onto a roaring lawn mower with one hand while aiming a phone in the other direction.

Lilacs bloom in the spring. Except this year, because this is 2021 and Mother Nature wanted to remind us of what we'll be missing for the next several months.

Most of my fire bush died this year because of another plant that grew up and strangled it--which I didn't notice until the remaining fire bush started to turn color. The part that remained after my slashing massacre seems to be doing okay ... so far.

 

I've never understood why some people hate dandelions. I mean, they're flowers. Those little vines that want to spread everywhere, now those I hate.

Oh, I forgot to mention: growing right with the lilacs were cherries, from a tree I didn't even know was there until late last summer. I'm so bad of this yard thing.

Well, it was nice while it lasted

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"