Celebrity Death Knell

Orson Bean, Robert Conrad, Kirk Douglas, Mary Higgens Clark, Freddie Silverman, Kobe Bryant, Jim Lehrer, Terry Jones, Edd Byrnes, Buck Henry, Gene Reynolds ... *pauses to catch a breath* ... and we're only in the second month of 2020.

Sounds like it's going to be another of those celebrity death years--in fact, I wonder if I should wait to see who else is going, before I post this. One of the many things they don't tell you about getting older is that the people you loved to watch, read, or listen to will start going, one by one. And it always seems like the new generation of celebrities is comparatively dull and uninteresting.

Or maybe it's because I've just gotten less interested in celebrity.

https://ew.com/celebrity/stars-we-lost-2020-celebrity-deaths/

It's not easy to tell what kind of a person a celebrity really is--being talented doesn't make you a nice guy. But I heard Orson Bean interviewed on Dennis Miller's podcast several times in recent years, and Orson seemed like an honestly good man.
 

The value of navel lint, or: Girl Scouts cause an e-book breakout

I had a business plan all ready to go when we published The No-Campfire Girls, and it was, if I do say so myself, fool-proof:

First, we tell everyone half the proceeds to go a good and worthy cause, and that much of the other half go toward advertising that good and worthy cause.

Second, we set the e-book price at only 99 cents and, even better, the print book at just five dollars. Hey, you can find 99 cents in your navel lint collection. (It's up to you to dig it out.) Not only that, but these days 99 cents worth of navel lint is worth five bucks, so there you go.

Third, we spread the word among Girl Scouts, since that good cause was to support a Girl Scout camp. There are about two and a half million Girl Scouts in America today. So the Scouts of Camp Latonka would spread the word about this cool new young adult novel to other Scouts in Missouri, who get the word out through the Midwest, and before you know it I'm on Oprah's book list. No, I have no idea of Oprah was a Girl Scout, but she would know a fun read when she sees one.

I do sneak in a book cover, every now and then.

But speaking of Oprah, the next step would be to have The No-Campfire Girls endorsed by famous Girl Scouts. I may only remember a few Taylor Swift songs, but I know a former Scout when I see one.

By which I mean, I looked it up.

 So pretty soon Swift, Gwyneth Paltrow, Susan Lucci, Abigail Breslin, Dionne Warwick, Katie Couric, Martha Stewart, Mariah Carey ... let me take a breath ... Celine Dion, Dakota Fanning, Barbara Walters, Venus Williams, and my favorite, Sheryl Crow, are all telling their fans, "Buy a book and save a camp!" (trademark pending) ... "Oh, and enjoy reading!"

According to my math, these steps would result in 8,914,976 sales. If every one of those buyers likes the book, that in turn will result in approximately 475 book reviews. Since online publicity depends so much on book reviews these days, that many should result in at least another ten billion sales.

I confess, my calculator app froze up a few steps earlier, so that's some quick and dirty napkin calculations that I had to read off my face in the mirror, after an unfortunate chocolate mishap. But I think it's a fair approximation.

So, Girl Scout Camp Latonka is saved, and I see a book series in my future!

Well, I did. The plan stalled along the way, possibly during the "going viral" stage. Or maybe I should have led with, "It's a fun, story--really it is". But I'm working on it.

And, just in case, I've already got a sequel planned out ... maybe I'll put in a cute puppy.



(Oh yeah, I almost forgot, which defeats the purpose: Find The No-Campfire Girls and our other books at www.markrhunter.com or https://www.amazon.com/Mark-R-Hunter/e/B0058CL6OO.)

Erin Moran and the Holiday Inn

I got a bit of a weird feeling when I heard actress Erin Moran once stayed in (and got kicked out of) a Holiday Inn Express in Corydon, Indiana. A little research confirmed it was the same Holiday Inn that Emily and I stayed in while researching Hoosier Hysterical a couple of years ago. Corydon was the original state capital of Indiana, so naturally we spent some time in the area.

We weren't there at the same time as she was, of course. Well, not that I know of, although apparently she lived in the area then. I suppose it could have been the same room.


On the one hand, I was a little offended at the way the news media covered her move to Indiana, as if Moran had been banned to the seventh circle of Hell. (Apparently she and her husband moved here to take care of his mother, after her acting jobs dried up and they lost their California property.) I'd take southern Indiana over southern California any day.

On the other hand, I suspect I'd choose wealthy in California over impoverished in Indiana. She'd hit on very hard times, and didn't make the move for the scenery; those of us trying to work our way up can't begin to imagine what it's like to be a TV star at fourteen, and considered a has-been by thirty. Her happy days were far behind her, and it sounds like she spent the last years of her life trying to drown her sorrows in alcohol. I remember the fresh faced kid on "Happy Days", and can't help thinking she was only two years older than me. It could have been any of us; and it's very sad any way you look at it.

Mary Tyler Moore

I’m not sure why Mary Tyler Moore’s death hit me so hard. I never saw her in a show I didn’t like, but there were lots of shows I liked. Maybe it’s because I never pictured her as being old; the last time I remember watching her on TV was “Mary” in 1985. (Over thirty years ago!)

I’m also not sure younger people realize what a big deal she was: Mary Tyler Moore invented the modern woman on TV. She was mod, and hip, and all that stuff, on “The Dick Van Dyke Show”. Then she got her own show, as a single woman making her own way in life, and blew everybody right out of the water.

There’ll never be another Mary.

https://www.yahoo.com/tv/mary-tyler-moore-dies-died-appreciation-195649482.html

R.I.P. William Christopher

I told Emily​ earlier today that I was on pins and needles, waiting to see what other celebrity would die before midnight. Turns out it's the guy famous for playing the same character I played, in my school's stage version of M*A*S*H: William Christopher. I last remember seeing him on "Mad About You", playing a priest--basically the same character. One last sad goodbye this year.


https://www.yahoo.com/tv/william-christopher-dies-father-mulcahy-014216456.html?.tsrc=fauxdal&post_id=10203817324932554_10211861601674445#_=_

Author Carrie Fisher

Farewell to fellow author Carrie Fisher … of course, she was much more than that, but I personally believe writing a good book is way harder than acting. She wrote four novels and memoirs; she also had a great reputation as a script doctor, working on movies such as “Hook”, “Lethal Weaon 3”, “Sister Act”, and “The Wedding Singer”. Reportedly she also worked on the “Star Wars” prequel trilogy, but no writer is perfect. I believe Fisher was the youngest cast member of the original "Star Wars" … and less than ten years older than me when she passed away.

https://www.yahoo.com/tv/mark-hamill-mourns-beloved-space-031600102.html

Hacking Up An Internet Sickness

SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK

            A computer genius/loser at life recently spent several months slaving away, night and day, to hack into the iCloud service and swipe nude photos of numerous celebrities.

            This goes to show you, some guys will do anything to see women nude. You know it was a guy. And apparently a guy who wasn’t satisfied seeing most of these people nude—or close enough to nude—o n movies or cable TV.

            I’ve never cared for this “cloud” idea, in which you send all your important computer stuff somewhere else so it doesn’t get lost if your computer crashes. So, where’s somewhere else? What is the cloud, really?

More computers. Someone else’s computers.

While putting your stuff on numerous different computers in theory makes it less likely to be lost, my problem has always been that it makes it easier for your stuff to be found.

            The hack involves such celebrities as Abby Elliott, Candice Swanepoel, Keke Palmer, and even Emily Ratjakowski. No, I have no idea who any of those people are. However, I’m assured they’re celebrities, and apparently my lack of knowledge means I don’t spend enough time on squeaky-clean websites like 4chan. If you don’t already know what 4chan is, do not go there.

Actually, I pulled those names out specifically because I don’t know those particular people. There were plenty of names I was familiar with, from the kick-a%@ Scarlet Johansson to the already-hacked-nude Vanessa Hudgens, to the I-don’t-ever-want-to-see-her-nude Kim Kardashian.

Some are denying the photos are actually of them, and in the age of Photoshop that’s a possibility. Some are basically admitting it the way Jennifer Lawrence’s lawyer did, by threatening anyone who reposts them. Mary E. Winstead (seriously, no idea) Tweeted that her hacked photos were deleted a long time ago. This proves two things: First, that the hackers went to extremely great lengths to get the proverbial goods. Second, that once you put something up on the internet, it’s there. Forever.

For anyone who tracks down my early efforts at fanfiction: Go easy on me.

            The whole thing came into the open over Labor Day weekend. I would have reported on this incident earlier, but I was busy surfing the internet. For, um, cute photos of … bunnies.

            There are two schools of thought about this incident. One is that the hacker is a serious scumbag who needs to be tarred and feathered, after which the tar and feathers should be set on fire. The other is that these are celebrities, and they should have known better than to allow whatever parts they haven’t already revealed onto the internet.

            Both sides are right.

            But the first side is righter … um, more right.

            Yeah, I get it; with many of these celebrities we’ve already seen all but an inch of two of everything. Anybody who watched Kirsten Dunst in that rainstorm scene during Spider-Man has pretty much seen the goods. (Seriously, white and braless in a driving rain? Were we meant to think that was an accidental choice?) Although I lose man points by admitting it, I haven’t paid much attention to the skin status on most of these other celebrities, who are almost entirely female.

            However …

            When Dunst chose to be in that movie, she got paid Big Bucks for it. That was her choice. Jennifer Lawrence, who I’ve only seen dressed head to toe depending on how you count the blue X-Men makeup, didn’t make that choice. It doesn’t matter if taking cell phone picks in the buff was a good idea or not (it’s not)—they didn’t volunteer to let the general public see them. Now they’re out there, and that’s one nude genie that can’t get stuffed back into its flesh colored bottle.

            Asking people not to look at them won’t work. There’s something pathological about men looking at photos of nude celebrities. There are certain things guys can’t look away from, like explosions and car wrecks, and for some reason the idea of seeing someone nude who they’ve heard of but don’t know personally is one of them. Sure, you could put a shock collar on them, but that never seems to help.

            But how about this: How about tracking down the hacker, and putting a shock collar on him? Here’s how it would work: Any time someone clicks on a nude photo that he leaked, the hacker gets shocked. Any time one of the victims thinks about it and gets mad, they push a button and the hacker gets shocked. Any time someone types “they should have known better” or any variant, both the hacker and the typer get shocked.

 
            It would be hacker hell. And that’s where he belongs.