Medical Diagnosis: Death by Healthy Food

 I left work an hour early the other night after I started to have, um, digestive issues. I don't like to abandon my partners, even for an hour, even though nothing was happening. It's like smacking Murphy (of Murphy's Law fame) right in the face. But at some point bathroom trips stop you from being of any help, anyway.

When I got home, I discovered my wife was also feeling ... digestivy. In fact, we spent the next two days cursing the fact that our house only has one bathroom. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

 

But with both of us sick, we decided to track down the source. Naturally, I assumed we had the hantavirus. That's the latest in vogue disease: You're not anyone if you don't get the plague that's striking everyone.

But it turns out hantavirus isn't that easy to get, not to mention the symptoms were all wrong. I feel like I've been failed by social media. What the heck was I supposed to do now? Go to a doctor? Do people still do that?

 A stomach bug? Maybe, but it didn't feel right. (Actually, everything felt very wrong.) Just the same, I washed and disinfected everything in the house either of us touched. Believe me, it was a chore getting the couch into the washing machine.

 

We drink a lot of iced tea, and have a habit of sharing it between us. The way I see it, we sleep together anyway--if one of us had a bug, we'd share it by snoring. Her snores are kind of cute. Mine once broke a bedroom window. But after a few days we were feeling relatively better, and I haven't heard of anyone else having this particular distress, unless you're counting what was coming out of that Artemis rocket. So, no bug.

When we finally settled on a cause, I realized we'd never be able to convince anyone.

In recent weeks we've been trying to eat better--more healthy, balanced, all that crap I spent my life avoiding. It was either one of two things: The sudden change in our eating habits, or some kind of bad germs in some food we aren't used to.

I'm still not sure if my job was trying to kill me off, or attract me back to cover shifts.

 

 

We had salad and baby carrots as an appetizer, three meals in a row.

So I told Emily it must be listeria, and that we had in fact ingested big heaps of green letteria, which is a legitimate medical term I just invented. The only glitch in that theory is that all the symptoms didn't quite line up, but if it keeps me from having a salad before pizza I'll just muddle through.

But we're all better now, other than the allergy attack when I mowed the lawn, which I guess could also be blamed on green growing things. As a compromise, yesterday we had a pork roast with potatoes and carrots, and at work I ate an apple, orange, and a handful of M&Ms. Okay, a bowl full.

 

 It's all about moderation.

 

 

 

If you’re feeling well enough, here are some places to find us and our books:

 

·        Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

·        Barnes & Noble:  https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

·        Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

·        Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

·        Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

·        Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

·        Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

·        Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

·        Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

·        Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

·        Substack:  https://substack.com/@markrhunter

·        Smashwords:  https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

·        Audible:  https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

 

Remember: Books have no calories. I mean, unless you eat them.

 

 

Stunned By a Songwriter's Note

 I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Ours was ... iffy ... although it came with a moment that shocked me.

Some of our dispatchers did a great job decorating Noble County Communications this year, so I'm going to sprinkle in a few photos of that along the way. I worked both Christmas Eve and Christmas night, but neither was as busy as I thought they'd be.

 Now, my last blog was about Christmas songs, and I poked a little fun at "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer". One of the places my blog appears is the Humor Outcasts website, and you can see it here:

https://humoroutcasts.com/2025/how-the-scrinch-loved-christmas-songs-2/

 If you do go there, look down to the comment by a guy named Randy Brooks, who said:

"Thank you for softening up on “Grandma” on the end. You almost hurt this songwriter’s feelings." 

 That seemed strange, to me. Surely poking fun at one song doesn't insult every song writer. Then I had a hunch, and did a web search for Randy Brooks.

Randy Brooks is the man who wrote "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer". 

 

I don't consider myself a celebrity worshipper, but I was gobsmacked. How did he even find out about my blog, anyway? Maybe one of his hardcore fans Googles the song from time to time, and sent him the link. I'm just glad I softened up on Grandma, in the end.

(By the way, I also discovered his uncle was Foster Brooks, who was one of my favorite comedians back in the day.)

I've talked briefly with a few celebrities over the years, but that was still the highlight of my Christmas. 

 One of the reasons for that is that we haven't actually had a family Christmas celebration. We also haven't celebrated my youngest daughter's birthday, and the birthday party for her youngest, Zander, had to be delayed. Everybody--so far as I can tell, everybody in the entire Midwest--has been sick. Emily and I mostly stayed home, both to prevent giving what we have to others, and to prevent getting something else from them. In other words, a typical Hunter family winter.

So what is it Emily and I keep trading back and forth, the flu? It wasn't even on my Christmas list. So I researched what's going around in Indiana right now, and here it is: influenza (flu), norovirus, COVID-19, and RSV.

So ... everything. 

Apparently the flu season is looking to be especially bad this year. We had our flu shots, so maybe that's why we were mostly only a little sick, although for five or six weeks (so far). I think there was only couple of weeks or so of fever between the two of us.

 

But there's another possibility.

At work I started to dive into the Christmas treats, as one does, especially while trying to stay awake on a 12 hour overnight shift or two. We always get nice donations of food from our bosses, coworkers, and other people who appreciate us. It's very nice.

But everything tasted ... wrong. Even the chocolate.

Like when you have COVID.

So we've continued to stay away from people, except when I had to work, and I sure overdosed my console with cleaning wipes. I don't know what caused my taste buds to rebel, but it's more likely we had flu, and if it was COVID, it was a mild case. Nobody particularly wants any of those.

Next Christmas, I only want to get chocolate. And maybe an email from Mariah Carey.
 

 

If I ever become a celebrity, you can find me here:

 

·        Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

·        Barnes & Noble:  https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

·        Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

·        Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

·        Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

·        Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

·        Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

·        Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

·        Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

·        Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

·        Substack:  https://substack.com/@markrhunter

·        Tumblr:  https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

·        Smashwords:  https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

·        Audible:  https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

 

Remember,  reading is better than running over Grandma.

The Hand, the Books, and the Typing

The surgery went well, or so I assume. The bandage doesn't come off until next Wednesday, so in theory there should could be some kind of horror movie eye inserted into the palm of my hand that I won't know about until then. My wrist is itching like crazy, so maybe that's eyelashes blinking.

Is it the all Seeing hand?

 The meds they had me on can cause thinking like that. I tried to go off the painkiller early, because I'm not a big fan of the heavy duty drugs. That's when I found out just how much this would be hurting if I didn't have the heavy duty drugs, so I'll try weaning myself off in a few more days. Until then my biggest activity has been sleeping, although we did get a chance to catch up on watching Strange New Worlds.

 

I got free non skid socks out of the deal. Well, I haven't seen the bill for them yet.

 

Yesterday I managed to read an entire writer's Digest magazine, although I skipped the poetry page. It took all my brain power, especially after a dose of Benadryl because of the itching under my bandage. Stop blinking, third eye! But that's been about all I can complain about.

(Actually, Emily read the fine print for the pain med and realize that I am suffering from every single one of the side effects listed, from upset stomach to, yes, back pain--including itching.)

Oven warmed blankets!

 We ordered 45 copies of Haunted Noble County Indiana, and as of yesterday sold 40 of them. That's pretty darn good, considering I haven't left the house other than to go to the hospital. That includes those sold by Butterfly Alley Gifts, a shop just up the street from us. It doesn't include Amazon and other online sales; our website is live, but not set up to take orders just yet. 

I waved a copy of the book around while they were wheeling me into the OR, but nobody seemed interested.

So as soon as I came out of the mental fog I ordered 50 more copies, and they should be here in a few days. Here's something weird: I also ordered 10 copies each of Storm Squalls and The Notorious Ian Grant. For some reason, they're sending them to me piecemeal: three copies here, five copies there, and twice I got just one copy in a package. It seems like it would have saved a lot of shipping trouble to just send them all at once.

Anyway, I'm finding talk to text, or whatever it's called, to be very frustrating. Way too much time spent going back to correct it -- maybe I just need to work on enunciation. Typing one handed is even worse, so for now I'm going to take my special happy pill and call it a day. Thanks to all the well wishers!

 

 

You can preorder, order, and generally make contact here:

·        Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

·        Barnes & Noble:  https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

·        Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

·        Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

·        Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

·        Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

·        Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

·        Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

·        Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

·        Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

·        Substack:  https://substack.com/@markrhunter

·        Tumblr:  https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

·        Smashwords:  https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

·        Audible:  https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

 

Remember: Pain and meds might make you blah blah blah maybe.