Remember that book we released in February? We just released it.

 I know all of you have thought to yourself, "What makes for a good advertisement? How do those people get me to buy their stuff?"

I dunno.

But I did write my own ad for our most recent published book, and sent it out into the cold, cruel world, where for all I know it's being read by someone in a secret bunker in North Korea even as we speak. It was an interesting challenge, because I put it up on a book site that wanted me to write something about a third of the length this originally was.

 I'm putting it here to show people an example of selling the soap, to ask what others think about it, and to ask if the expression is still "selling the soap". I've never sold soap. Despite that, I occasionally get up on my soapbox.

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Is the turn of the last century already ancient history?

In More Slightly Off the Mark: Why I Hate Cats, and Other Lies, Mark R. Hunter collects his 2000-2001 humor pieces—the earliest he put on a computer. In DOS … on a floppy disk.

The change in just twenty years resulted in a complete rewrite, so Hunter inserts his present self into the work—mostly to make fun of his older stuff. Along the way he riffs on everything from history to health, vacations, holidays, and, of course, technology. Weather also, naturally—because everyone talks about that.

It's just $1.99 on Kindle—free on Kindle Unlimited—and is also available in print for $7.50. Find it on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/More-Slightly-off-Mark-Other/dp/1709741287

Or on the author's website:

http://www.markrhunter.com/

Remember to support authors—the original self-isolation workers.

 

http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

Just a Cog In the Blog

Joleene Naylor gave me this Blogger's Recognition Award, which is for recognition of bloggers, which I am one. This came as something of a surprise to me, as I never thought of myself as a blogger even though my blog is hosted by Blogger.

Joleene’s a great writer and a great person, even though there’s a spider on the front of her blog: https://ramblingsfromthedarkness.wordpress.com/

As you all know unless you’ve blocked me for going on about it, I have a new book coming out this month, so I’m late getting this out. But when someone takes the time to think about you … well, you’ve got to respond. The idea is to give a brief story on how your own blog got started, along with advice for new bloggers, and to provide a link to the giver’s blog, which—see above. Also, the original post comes from here: http://eveofnight.blogspot.co.nz/2014/10/lets-celebrate-whos-up-for-award.html?m=1

My blog story is indeed a story, which started not with a blog but a column. “Column” is a newspaper term, describing what today we’d call a blog. I started out with a humor column that was carried in some local newspapers, but didn’t appear online. (Yeah, it was that long ago.) So, to get it online, I got a LiveJournal account, which I still have. (Yeah, it was that long ago.)

So the idea was to get my weekly column on the web, which I suppose is where Joleene’s spider came from. But at about the same time I started writing fanfiction, and that ended up there, too. (Look for me under the name Ozma914, although I haven’t had time to write fanfic lately.)

Later I figured out how to post photos. Before you knew it I had a blog, which still goes under the name of my humor column: “Slightly Off the Mark”. 

And what advice do I have for bloggers? It’s so cute that someone might think I know what I’m doing.

One of the things I hear often is that you should have a narrow focus, so you can build an audience, or readership, or duchy, or whatever the term is. If you’re a writer writing to writers, do a writing blog. If you’re writing for readers, also do a writing blog, but showcase instead of talk about. Or talk only about Super Soldier Sailor Moon, or politics (yuck!), or the emerald ash borer.

Good advice. I don’t do this.

My advice is that whatever you’re really interested in, that’s what you write about. If you have eclectic interests, then write eclectically, and maybe message me to explain what “eclectic” means. Just as my books are of different genres, so is my blog: I write about writing, astronomy, politics (yuck!), humor, pets, family, firefighting, and whatever causes me pain, such as all that stuff.

If you don’t like blogging, people will know. So in the end, my only good advice is to have fun and, if you want to have a lot of followers, don’t be dull.

As for my nominees, usually in cases like this I simply open it to everyone; especially since in this case most of the bloggers I follow most regularly have already been nominated, and it’s important to be regular. (I’m looking at you, Roger and Donna! I mean about already being nominated, not about being regular.)  So I’m only passing this on to a few, but it’s the chosen few:

Kelly Hashway: http://kellyhashway.blogspot.com/

Lena Winfrey Seder: http://pearldropsonthepage.blogspot.com/

Rosanne Dingli: http://rosannedingli.blogspot.com/

William Kendall: http://williamkendallbooks.blogspot.com/

Shelly Arkon:     http://secondhandshoesnovel.blogspot.com/

When Commencement Speeches Attack

I’d planned to spend all week finding really subtle ways to remind everyone of my book signing July 11^th, from 3-5 p.m. at Noble Art Gallery, 100 E. Main Street in Albion. But then I remembered I still haven’t posted my column—for June—so for today I’ll have to go without mentioning it.

SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK

With June comes graduation, and I always wanted to do a commencement speech. I don’t know why. I’m not that good at public speaking, and I’d guess a graduating class is one of the most impatient audiences a speaker could have.

“Dude, I’ve been stuck here for twelve years. Let me out, tonight’s the party!”

We can only hope that guy isn’t a college grad.

I think there’s some kind of legal requirement for graduation speakers. They have to hit on all the stuff about everything that’s ahead of you, huge milestones, your life can be great if you aren’t so drug-addled that you forget to use birth control … I haven’t heard that last specifically, but it’s implied.

If I did give a speech, I’d probably feel duty bound to say those same things. But I doubt I’ll be invited anytime soon: I’m living proof of what happens if you get out of high school and don’t apply yourself. No college degree, no succeeding in my chosen professions, no film crews following me around … by 21^st Century standards, I might as well be living in a cardboard box.

Oh, sure, I’ve had a job since I was 21 and I’ve never been arrested, but how do you turn that into a reality show?

So I won’t be invited to do commencement speeches, and that’s fine, because I don’t think you get paid for those things. Just the same, after years of real life experience, there might be useful things I can pass on to today’s graduates:

First of all, listen to people who have years of real life experience. These would be the same people you spent your teen years not listening to. In some ways they can’t help, because they’ve turned cautious. They remember the terror of diving into a strange new world, but not the exhilaration.

In other ways they can help, because they’ve turned cautious. They understand the value of a retirement plan, owning instead of renting, understanding a world you think doesn’t affect you, and using birth control.

If you think I’m stressing birth control too much, you definitely need to listen to the cautious people. Also, Google “how much does it cost to raise children?”

Here’s another good piece of advice you won’t listen to: You’re totally don’t get that expression, “you only live once”.

You scream “YOLO!” and then drag race down Main Street, take off on a road trip with no gas money, or chug down so much booze that you don’t remember all the “fun” you had depositing half-digested nacho chips on your girlfriend’s new hipster boots.

If you can’t remember having fun, does it count as fun? Well, maybe it does to whoever posts the highlights on YouTube.

See, if you only live once, then doing stupid, dangerous things for no reason means you could die, and not come back. So if you only live once, you should take a minute to pick and choose your fun. Maybe something with just as much speed, but no illegality … and maybe more safety restraints.

At this point none of the graduates would be listening to me anymore, so I’ll pretty much say whatever I want:

Don’t do anything—ever—that gets you compared to a Kardashian.

Strive to not star in a viral video. We live in a world where people laugh at you, not with you. Laughing along with them does absolutely nothing to make you look less stupid to, say, potential girlfriends or employers.

On a related note, don’t downplay the value of potential employers. In real life it’s possible to party your life away, but only if you die really young.

On another related note, don’t die young. Yeah, sometimes the world sucks, but it’s the one you’re in … and it doesn’t suck nearly as much as you think.

If somebody offers you some great new drug and you notice they look like a cross between a mummy and the “before” photo in an acne commercial, run away screaming.

Sometimes screaming can be good for you.

Finally, here’s one of the most important ideas you’ll ever learn: Learn. Yeah, college is good, but educating yourself is just as important. Look at it this way: If you get into an argument with someone and realize they’re ignorant, it means you’re not. It’s a much better idea to recognize ignorance than to wallow in it.

And that would be my serious moment, if I got to make a speech. After all, you only live once.

Speech tip: Pretend you know what you're talking about.