Slightly Off the Mark: songs

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Stunned By a Songwriter's Note

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Ours was ... iffy ... although it came with a moment that shocked me.

Some of our dispatchers did a great job decorating Noble County Communications this year, so I'm going to sprinkle in a few photos of that along the way. I worked both Christmas Eve and Christmas night, but neither was as busy as I thought they'd be.

Now, my last blog was about Christmas songs, and I poked a little fun at "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer". One of the places my blog appears is the Humor Outcasts website, and you can see it here:

https://humoroutcasts.com/2025/how-the-scrinch-loved-christmas-songs-2/

If you do go there, look down to the comment by a guy named Randy Brooks, who said:

"Thank you for softening up on “Grandma” on the end. You almost hurt this songwriter’s feelings."

That seemed strange, to me. Surely poking fun at one song doesn't insult every song writer. Then I had a hunch, and did a web search for Randy Brooks.

Randy Brooks is the man who wrote "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer".

I don't consider myself a celebrity worshipper, but I was gobsmacked. How did he even find out about my blog, anyway? Maybe one of his hardcore fans Googles the song from time to time, and sent him the link. I'm just glad I softened up on Grandma, in the end.

(By the way, I also discovered his uncle was Foster Brooks, who was one of my favorite comedians back in the day.)

I've talked briefly with a few celebrities over the years, but that was still the highlight of my Christmas.

One of the reasons for that is that we haven't actually had a family Christmas celebration. We also haven't celebrated my youngest daughter's birthday, and the birthday party for her youngest, Zander, had to be delayed. Everybody--so far as I can tell, everybody in the entire Midwest--has been sick. Emily and I mostly stayed home, both to prevent giving what we have to others, and to prevent getting something else from them. In other words, a typical Hunter family winter.

So what is it Emily and I keep trading back and forth, the flu? It wasn't even on my Christmas list. So I researched what's going around in Indiana right now, and here it is: influenza (flu), norovirus, COVID-19, and RSV.

So ... everything.

Apparently the flu season is looking to be especially bad this year. We had our flu shots, so maybe that's why we were mostly only a little sick, although for five or six weeks (so far). I think there was only couple of weeks or so of fever between the two of us.

But there's another possibility.

At work I started to dive into the Christmas treats, as one does, especially while trying to stay awake on a 12 hour overnight shift or two. We always get nice donations of food from our bosses, coworkers, and other people who appreciate us. It's very nice.

But everything tasted ... wrong. Even the chocolate.

Like when you have COVID.

So we've continued to stay away from people, except when I had to work, and I sure overdosed my console with cleaning wipes. I don't know what caused my taste buds to rebel, but it's more likely we had flu, and if it was COVID, it was a mild case. Nobody particularly wants any of those.

Next Christmas, I only want to get chocolate. And maybe an email from Mariah Carey.

If I ever become a celebrity, you can find me here:

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Remember, reading is better than running over Grandma.

How the Scrinch Loved Christmas ... Songs

Years ago I DJ’d part time at a local radio station (which figures into my novel Radio Red). I happened to be working when the boss decided it was time to start the Christmas season with the Gift of Music.

He produced a card file and a stack of CD’s. On each card in the file (no computers -- it was that long ago) was the name of a Christmas song, which we shuffled into randomness. As soon as I saw what happened to fall as the first one, I had my intro.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to get the holiday season under way with WLNB’s selection of Christmas music, and I’ve been chosen for the honor or starting it out. I’m perfectly okay with that, as long as I don’t have to play ‘Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer’. Now, let’s see what’s on top of our play list ... no. It can’t be. Not that -- anything but that!”

Ah, but it was. And so I started out the Gift of Music with a redneck song about a reckless driving Santa Claus murdering elderly pedestrians.

I never said I was a good part time DJ. Note that I’m no longer employed there.

Santas got run over by a fire truck?

I like to be the best combination of Scrooge and Grinch that I can possibly be. For the uninitiated, Scrooge is the old time British fellow who gets scared by ghosts into loving Christmas. The Grinch is the green guy who goes down to Whoville to steal Christmas, but ends up returning everything when the Whoville people start singing happy carols. This begs the question: if the people in Whoville were happy anyway, why didn’t the Grinch just keep the stuff, and sell it on Ebay?

Yep -- two great stories, two bad endings. Just call me the Scrinch. Or Grooge, that would be okay.

There are other books, you know.

I base most of my attitude on either out of control commercialism or people who, themselves, act like Grinches. Yes, I get upset when I see giant plastic Santas on display at Wal-Mart -- in September. But don’t we all get mad when some scumbag burglar steals the Christmas presents right from under someone’s tree?

Christmas all year round might seem like a good idea, but in reality it would make the holiday cheap and ordinary. Put a friggin tarp on the decorations until mid-November, okay? I once went shopping for Halloween, and turned the corner to discover a plastic Frosty giving me a ... well, a frosty look.

As for stealing gifts, vandalizing decorations and such ... not that I haven’t wanted to vandalize decorations, but only when they're lit in October. For everyone else, a public whipping on New Year’s Day should beat the holiday spirit into them.

My point is this: Although I get as angry as everyone else when “Let it Snow” starts playing in the store while people in shorts and tank tops stumble in, wiping sweat from their brows ...

I don’t know if I should say it. It might ruin my reputation, and where am I without that? Next thing you know, people will discover I really like animals. But ... okay, complete honesty, here:

I love Christmas music.

People may never look at me the same way again.

Christmas is the only thing I look forward to through the months of bitter cold, with nothing but driving snow and black, dead foliage. I hate cold, I hate snow, I hate heating bills, I hate bulky clothes that never warm me up ... but I love Christmas. Colored lights shine through the dull twilight of winter. People actually cheer up a little. Well, some people. And of all the things about Christmas, I love the songs the best.

It doesn’t matter if they’re old or new. Sure, the barking dog Jingle Bells thing grates on me, and I’ve heard versions of “Santa Baby” that make me want to hurl down a chimney. But from Frank Sinatra to Christina Aguilera, nothing perks me up more. What they’ve done elsewhere in their lives, or what other people think of them, doesn’t matter -- I’ll listen to it if it’s Britney Spears, or Barry Manilow.

Old or new? I love “Carol of the Bells” and “The Hallelujah Chorus”, which my choir sang in high school. They didn’t have new Christmas Songs back then. But I’ve got songs in my Christmas library by Faith Hill, the Trans Siberian Orchestra, the Eagles, and, yes, Hannah Montana.

Type of music? It’s all Christmas to me. Doesn’t matter whether it's the Bryan Seltzer Orchestra, Jessica Simpson, or Andrea Bocelli. Or that other fella, Tchaikovsky, and his Nutcracker thing. Still, nothing will ever beat the classics, and Bing Crosby is the king of the classics. I may not like white winters, but “White Christmas” will always be close to my half-frozen heart.

So that’s it -- my big confession. I love Christmas music ... almost all Christmas music. As long as the lyrics aren’t being “sung” by pets.

I don’t even mind that great tribute to holiday violence, “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”.

Much.

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Remember to have a Merry Christmas!

Mother Nature Has Been Grumpy

Is it just me, or has Mother Nature been, this year ... grouchy?

Surly? Cross? Cantankerous?

Yeah, I thought so, too. Maybe we brought it on ourselves, the way everyone has been storming at each other. That makes this a perfect time for a ... song.

Hey, we all need a peaceful moment. It's been a particularly awful weather year; for some more than others, but mostly for everyone. The other day I had to stop picking up wind-blown branches because of frostbite. (I shut off our furnace exactly two days before the--wait for it--polar vortex reached us.)

It's not a great song, but I'm not a great song writer. I heard the music in my head while writing the words (It has a country vibe). But I can't play it for you because I can't write music, and it probably won't work as well as a poem. Maybe it's for the best, though, because I'm also not a great music writer. Or ... any music writer. What the heck, I'll throw in a few photos from the storm outbreak, too. Once it got cold, my hands wouldn't stop shaking enough to get a good picture.

See those little black spots in the sky? Birds. Really dumb vultures, I think, battling a headwind.

I should hold a contest: If I sell fifty books by the end of June, I'll post a video of me singing this. But that might lead to negative sales. "For Heaven's sake, don't sing! I'm sending your books back to you."

I call it: Springing Out of Springdom.

(I'm not a great title writer, either.)

I like to ride in the countryside
just to take in spring.
The flower blossoms, birds at play
and all the greening things.

But this year I've come to realize
something that's made me sad.
We won't get a spring this year
'cause we've all been too bad.

Yeah, we've all been too bad this year,
we just can't get along.
We fight and fuss and disagree
Even as the days get long.

Mother Nature said "Screw you!"
"I'll just evaporate."
So winter just won't end this year;
she left us to our fate.

So now the temp's below average
just like all our moods.
Plants are brown and grass is dead,
let's face it--we're all screwed.

Our tulips won't come up this year,
They're underneath a drift.
The robins are hitchhiking south,
their frozen wings won't lift.

Yes, we've all been too bad this year,
we don't deserve the spring.
Mosquitoes can't come out in this,
it's frostbite that'll sting.

Mother Nature said "Stuff it!"
and left us all to freeze.
so winter just won't end this year,
no flowers, birds, or bees.

So let's all try to get along,
we just don't have to fight.
At this rate our nice summer
will become a year long night.

It's not that we all must be friends,
but hatred hurts our souls.
If we don't make up by Christmas
At least we can heat with coals.

True, we've all been too bad this year,
and spring will never come
if we don't get our butts in gear
and stop being so dumb.

Mother nature said "I'm done!"
and winter's staying strong.
So dig back out your salt and plows ...
or try to get along.